Untitled - May 22, 2026
00:00:00 Speaker: Imagine getting a front row seat to your teenage daughter's thoughts. So we're going to do today on the episode of Working Moms Redefined podcast. Hi, I'm Denise, and it has been a pleasure to get to talk with sixteen and seventeen year old young ladies at a local high school since October of last year. It has been a leadership program that we've instituted at a high school here locally, and it has been life changing for both those students and myself. One thing that I never would have realized are the stresses that these teenagers are going through. Granted, our kids aren't that age yet, but I now see are their thoughts, their pressures, their feelings, and dare I say, their opinions that are sometimes better than us as adults and all they want is to be heard? With that thought in mind. Let's dive in to a class session, if you will, with these young adults. Listen with an open heart, with an open mind, and with such compassion that I hope each and every one of you will feel and give to your young daughters. Tell me what it's really like to be your agent. That you wish that adults knew. Um, that it's not like laziness all the time. Like even like though, like it seems like we're being lazy sometimes. It's just like tiring to be in high school and have all the things that we do and like we want to do those things, but sometimes they just get to be too much. And it's not just like laziness, it's just like life. Do you ever wish that you could say no? Yeah. What's preventing you from being able to say no to some of these things? Like being rude to them because it's like most of the time it's probably my mom and I just like, am like a big people pleaser. So I'm like, if my mom tells me to do something, I'm just going to do it anyways, even if it like doesn't benefit myself. I wish adults knew how much anxiety can take over and how like being brown makes it harder for us to express our emotions. Because I feel like a lot of time, like if I try to like, talk about how much I'm anxious or I get anxious about a situation, it's just told that like I'm a teenager and I have to get over it because it gets worse. What do you wish they said instead? Just that like they understand and that like you're allowed to feel that way because I feel like like it, it switches up a lot. It's like, okay, I get it. And then it's other times it's like, you're wrong and you need to just learn how to manage it because you can't let this run your life. Like you need to be strong instead of like, tell me it's okay. Do you think they'd say that to themselves? No. So why are you any different? What about you? Um, I, I think the pressure they put on us is like what they want to be, but, like, they're not accepting us to who we actually are. And also, like, high school is very difficult and harsh, and it's not like it was twenty years ago when they were in high school. And they don't, like, realize that anxiety is a big thing and mental health is a big thing. And they don't. They think that it's just like, okay, we're fine. We'll get over it. And they don't actually accept like, okay, that's who we are. And it's not what it used to be. Describe to me what it's like, what it days like, just like, like the routine. Okay. What's hard about it being a junior or senior? Yeah. What's a hard life to be as well? How hard is it to be a senior? We have to figure out what we want to do with the rest of our lives. And if you don't have that, your. Family members might get mad that you don't have your life planned out, but also you. You want to worry about sports, but sometimes you have to have a good job. You have so many coaches that you want to please. And if you're not up to their expectations that, you know, it really affects you mentally. You have, um, you want to be good to your friends, but also if they're not treating you correctly, you have to stand up for yourself. But if you stand up too much, then they get mad at you and then you're really just lonely by yourself. You can't like any guys from your school because then everyone knows about it. But then say you move on too fast and it hurts you and people talk about you. Then you really just trying to please your family, please your teachers, please your friends, please your coaches and but still trying to be yourself. But it gets hard when you've just wrapped up with everything else in your life, if that's not the truth. And yet in that sentence, I never heard you say and please me, what would it even look like for you to please yourself? Stop pleasing everyone else. You're supposed to be so authentic, right? Authenticity is what we're supposed to strive for. How are we able to be authentic when we have all of these to do lists? What do you wish adults knew about what it's really like to be you? Um, I said, how much is bombarded with us at a young age and how little we are supported by people who have been through that walk of life like you've experienced it, yet you still adding the pressure that you wouldn't want when you were that age, and you're still not really giving us the advice or help that we need to get through it. What would help look like for you? What would you like help wise? And just knowing that it's not that serious. Like I like, I don't know, I feel like being in high school, you alter your brain for college. Like it's like you can't even live in the moment because then it's, you're altering for your whole life. And then you can get to college and you can change, you change your major everything. Like, I don't know, You ready? Uh, yeah. I just want like that. You shouldn't be, like, not listening to our opinions just because we're younger than you or because we aren't, like, have the same life experience whenever we have opinions for that matter. And like that are important, the opinion does matter. Do you have an opinion on something that you want to share? No, I was just thinking about prom and now like we just got told we can't do anything because it's like they have more authority because they're older, but it's our stuff that we raise money for, that we plan for. But it's like they want to shut down everything they want to do, but not like listen to it. Yeah. Also, I want parents to know that hugs are amazing and giving your children hugs and just saying, like, I'm proud of you. Like, so I know, I know certain people don't like hugs, but for me, it's like I love giving my mom a hug. It's just or like her just telling me, hey, I know it's been a rough week, but I'm really proud of you or just something. And she does a lot. But it's just like we've had to have so many conversations about where we can meet at in the middle. And I understand that it depends on your parents and everything. And but I just had to be honest with her. I'm like, I'll take what you are saying and what I'm saying, and hopefully we can meet in the middle. And it's been amazing recently. So and I hug her. So I love it later. What about you? Yeah. First question. So it's kind of set earlier, but that we are expected to be grown up while we're still trying to figure out who we are. Um, just again with colleges, but we're also trying to shape ourselves into what other people want us to be, or just trying to be liked by other people, then we're not really completely figuring out who we are, and then we don't know who we are. It's also being wrapped up about needing to know, like about our future, what we want to do. So overwhelming. I put that it's very hard to stand up for yourself, even when it even when it doesn't look as hard. And having to keep grades up while playing sports and like still having a job that you have to go to is just like very hard. And I feel like they like parents just think like, oh, I have a job to like, but I like, I feel like you go to school from eight and then you have sports right after, and then you go to a job right after. So you're from like eight to like nine, you're doing stuff and they just like ate like six or like they're always like at home or something. I would come Oklahoma and it's like, oh dear, chores. I just got home and ice. So it's like really hard to keep everything organized. You guys, this is great. And manage homework on top of that. Like you have sports and you have a job and then you have school and then you have work. And then they ask why you stay up late and it's like, it's like midnight and I'm not even dumb. So yeah, that was good. Okay. If you could say one thing to adults who care about you, about how to better support girls your age, what would you want them to hear? Okay, I feel like the biggest thing for me is to listen first without trying to fix everything right away. Because feeling understood is often more than getting advice is more effective. Um, just listening and just being able to let me talk and to vent is just like the best thing ever to really feel heard without trying to give advice. Because honestly, we're probably already thinking that like we already know what we're supposed to do. Just need you to sit and just listen to us. Sometimes in those scenarios, you'll. That concept is so good. And I encourage all of us to consider. Like when you have a partner one day where you are in a marriage and you're like, I'm not getting out of this simply saying, I need you to listen. I don't need you to fix right now is huge. You can go ahead and tell your parents that like, hey, mom, I don't need you to fix right now. I just need you to listen. And then that helps. It gives them a signal to, to know, okay, I gotta make sure that I'm listening and not praying the fix. So true. Good job. Um, I think that, like, when you're mad, you shouldn't yell first. You should, like, try and figure out something in, like, a calm way, if that makes sense. Like talk like you're not wrong and then figure out what's the issue and like, how to fix it because you're giving great advice. I mean, I agree with you. I told my mom, hey, I just need a friend right now. I don't need mom. Hide your emotions real quick so I can tell you. Um, I think just saying you're proud of us and having that, like, you know what? I'm just communicating. It's just. It's all about communication. Especially for me. I can't go a day without communicating with my dad, with my mom, with my sisters. Like it's so important that we just stay. We don't shut down because I shut down. I think it's just I shut down. I, you know, if you I take the middle road. If you get mad at me, I'm gonna get mad right back at you. So I think it's important that we stay adults and, you know, have a conversation about everything. So I think it's not just like what you need to say to us, but also like how you say something and just always being able to communicate. We need her and look after this. Um, I also put to just sit and listen, like just listen to what I like, what we have to say because it's like, it's already hard to like, say what we're trying to say, but when they're like trying to like, like they interrupt you as you're saying it, it just like it loses track of thought. So it's like really hard to like figure out what I was trying to say after. Okay. I said to give more grace when it seems like we're just having an attitude, but understand that there's a lot going on in our minds and that you can't just like, automatically assume that they're giving you attitude. But there's actually a lot that you're really dealing with inside that they, they, you're not communicating. Is that coming from a place of maybe you've been told that you have attitude? I don't know when you said that it made it makes me think of Hudson because there are some times where I'm like, boy, you better check yourself. And then I'm thinking, I'm like, oh gosh, I really wish I could actually act like that. Yeah, like, I'm not trying to have an attitude, but like, it's like everything bottled up inside is making me like, angry that it's not like gone and I go. I take my anger out on the people that I truly like and truly love. And so it seems like I'm very angry at them. So I don't know if that's. Are you telling me that like, basically when you're really mad at somebody, that's the ultimate compliment. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I said to like, just provide constant support because like, it feels like sometimes we're unsupported in like the decisions that we choose to make and like we're going to make wrong decisions. And I think that it's like healthy for someone to make a wrong decision so they can learn from those mistakes. And I feel like parents just think that, like, we constantly have to make the right decision and to not push like your advice on us because like, our life isn't your life. And it's like we're supposed to figure out our own life. Like, yeah, parents should give advice, but like, don't continue to push it if we don't take it and don't hold our feelings against us. Because I feel like oftentimes when I bring up my feelings, like later down the line, I if I'm feeling a different way, it's like, well, you were just feeling like this. Why are you not feeling like this? Or it's like, no, you can't do that because you were already feeling this way. It's like, and also like, definitely just listen to us and just like how we're feeling. Uh, I was thinking just more of like, we know there's things that we are like supposed to do and like, that's like goes along with like chores and such, I guess, but I feel like the constant like nagging, like, go do this, go do that. Like I feel like the nagging is like what really like can like make us more annoyed than like actually doing it because it would just make us like not want to do it even more. And like, for like the nagging part, I just like, instead of nagging at us to do it, like help us do it, like help us get there to do it instead of just like constantly telling us, do this, do this, do this. I love that you said that. Help me know how to because I have told our kids every which way what to do and I don't know how to encourage them now. Sydney is different than Hudson. Rewards are a large part of it. How could I? It sounds like one of my children is very similar to you. How would you appreciate if I not nag you but still encouraged you? I think a big thing for me that something my mom is really good at with me is like, if she's like in your room is like terrible. Like you need to clean up your room. Like she'll like help start that process for me. Or if it's like you need to do your laundry, like she'll toss in the washer and then I need to switch it over and like, keep putting it away and such like, just like starting the process for me and then letting me finish it out as like really helped. I'm going to start doing that. Thank you. Your turn. Um, I think like, I know my parents did, a lot of people say like, just wait till adulthood. It's like a lot worse. And like, they don't be supportive of like what we're going through right now. And to realize that like our life is hard and like, sometimes we want events, sometimes we just want like support and everything, but like to be in the moment like now rather than like twenty years ago when you were kids, like every person's life's different and we kind of need the support while it's like in the moment rather than like twenty years ago when we weren't alive and everything changes. That was amazing. The one question that's coming to mind is, what are you most scared of right now? I think just talking to my parents and expressing my true feelings, I don't know how much like they're going to judge me or like, okay, well, like if your mind's like that, then you need to go like somewhere else and get like fixed or like get help and like, they don't like support you like in the moment and like, actually like, try to be like, they try to be your parents, but they try to be the parents that like aren't like necessarily the supportive ones. Are you scared of failure? I think I think about it a lot and like, like whenever, like college gets brought up with me or my mom or like what I want to do in the future. It's like kind of just like scary because like, it's like if I don't make it through college, then I don't have any future. Part of that, and I guess it's like also like right now, like in high school, like if it's like, if I don't succeed in my sport, then like I'm just like automatically that, that just feels like it's just like a lot of like constant pressure. Um, I'd say, uh, like going off wrong with you is like being judged because I feel like I've always, like, been told that I have to be strong, like to toughen up. And then like, I feel like whenever I do try to express my emotions, I feel judged and I don't like to feel judged. And like, especially when I'm just in a room and I feel judged, like it makes me feel anxious and also failure. I'm like really scared that I'm gonna, my mom always tells me that I'm gonna go do great things, but then I'm worried, what if I don't do those right things and I'm actually just gonna, like, fail and not do those things that she expects me to do? You won't fail. What you scared of the future that it won't go as planned. But like college won't go the right way. Or like I won't get married at the right time or have kids or like, I don't know. Yeah. The future I'll just say like, I was going to say succeeding because like, I feel like I'd get judged for like not failing, but like also having like a good life. Like I feel like I'm still going to get judged for that. So even not failing is still like you're still getting judged. So like, like people not supporting me. That was good. That was, that was really good. I'm not, I'm not thought of it like that. I always thought it was growing up like, like growing up in the future, disappointing people. Um, I don't know, being a people pleaser because damn, I don't know. It's just, it's just I think everyone, you No grades, colleges. Are you going to get to a good college or, you know, is your family going to support you through everything you. Of course you're going to make some mistakes, but, you know, you've always thought like, I don't want to be the middle child that, you know, does weird things. I don't know, I always, I'm always nervous about that part is like, it's so important to stay close to my family. And I really hope I, you know, I still have that connection throughout everything. And you know, if my sister moves away, that will be kind of sad. Let me be really sad. So I don't know. I have a lot of things I'm worried about. So mine also goes with what everyone else has been saying. But growing up is really scary. Just figuring out like, if I'm going to get married or if I'm going to have the family that I've always dreamed of or having, like the job that I've always that would, that I want, um, or like just having friends. Wait, I was just thinking of one. I can't say it cuz I'm like, crying. I'm just crying about how I'm going to intro and close this. I like, I can't talk, why can't you talk? Because my voice is gonna crack. Okay? Mine is like being lonely for like, ever. Not like not being married or anything, but like not having friends, which I know I have friends, but like, I just don't want to ever not have friends. Yesterday. Um, this is fresh yesterday in third grade, it was write a letter to a friend day and Sydney came home and she was pretty upset. And I finally got it to her and I said, sweetheart, what's going on? And she said, I'm afraid of being alone. And I said, why? She said, because nobody wrote me a letter. And what you're feeling is something that probably happened to you a long time ago. And I know everybody in this room is going to be friends forever, whether you talk to each other or not. You won't ever be alone. But it's okay to worry about that because a little third graders worrying about it. Jared probably worries about it from time to time as she sniffles as well. Right. And sometimes you have all of the people surrounded by you and you still feel alone. And it's like, how can I not feel alone with only me in the room? These girls are going to move mountains. I have gotten the opportunity to spend time with them since October, and the growth that they have had in that short amount of time is nothing short of amazing. And yet we all still have struggles. Whether you're sixteen and seventeen and a junior in high school or you're a thirty five year old working mom, we all feel some of this dynamic. And yet, what can we do so that this isn't as true for our kids. And yet these leaders are already so aware at seventeen of their areas of opportunity what they want and need. And I don't know about you, but I wasn't that emotionally mature at that age. So what a testament it is to these lovely ladies that spent time with us today on the Working Moms Redefined podcast. And out of anybody, these girls know how to do hard things more than anybody else. Thank you for listening to the Working Moms Redefined podcast. It is not lost on me that you chose to spend time together. Thank you. Let's connect outside of the space on socials. We'd love for you to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest. We've got it all to connect with you. If you feel as if someone in your life could be impacted by this message, feel free to share it. That is the biggest compliment. As we part ways together, remember you can do hard things.
