Untitled - March 11, 2026
00:00:00 Speaker: Parenting without a blueprint. I don't know about you, but that's parenting in general, I would assume. And yet we still compare to the way in which we were raised. Hey, it's Denise, and you're listening to the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. And today we are speaking with Alison Housewright, who is an interesting, interesting story to tell. The concept of what happens when you parent without having your own parents. This concept her and I have discussed previously, because remember, a large part of this Working Moms Redefined movement is you're not the mom that your mom was. And that's okay because we feel guilt around that. And yet, in other situations that Alison and I are going to talk about today, it's almost the motivating factor to parent differently. So we're going to discuss that. Alison has been a wife for thirteen years. She has two cute, sweet boys. She's an MBA in business Administration. And I think the one thing I want you to know most about Allison, though, is her heart. Her heart. I'm going to tear up Allison. I did not expect this. Her heart is so big. Uh, when I tell you that she is a woman who lifts up other women, whether you're in the room or not, it is an understatement. Uh, there have been many a times when at her current place of employment, when she was working at the pediatrician office, when I would come in with sick kids and I was so grateful to have Allison, the one checking me in there, because I knew that at that point in time, I didn't have to hold it all together. And to have people like that in your life is so, so, so valuable. And so I'm going to stop tearing up right now, and I'm going to let you speak, Allison. But hi, welcome. And tell us in regards to the parenting conversation, what do you hope listeners take away from our time together today? Hi, Kai. Denise, thanks so much for having me. Oh, okay. I'm already cheering up to that. Must be a record, but that's okay. I'm a crier. Before warned everybody. Okay, so what do I hope people get out of today? Um, that they're not alone. Um, that they're not unlovable. They were just maybe in the wrong hands. Um, that just because you're related to somebody, you do not owe them anything if they are not a safe and secure spot or relationship, um, that you don't owe it to them. You don't owe it to anybody else. Um, you don't owe them anything. Um, you're not responsible for proving your worth to others that don't want to see it, that choose not to see it. You invest your time with the ones that not only tell you they're going to be there for you, but continually prove it with their actions. So that's, that's where your energy needs to go. Um, and that grief and joy can coexist. Um, there's, you know, there's always going to be that little girl Alison, inside of me that is longing for this connection and this relationship that doesn't exist. But thankfully, adult Alison has learned how to manage. And we'll talk about this more, but has learned how to manage her expectations and her emotions so that I can focus on what I'm building and not what I what I've never got. Boom, here we go. This is going to be. I feel as if it's going to be heavy at times. And yet, isn't that when connection happens even more beautifully? So, Alison, talk to me. What does it look like for you personally to be parenting without parents? So yeah, that's a big question. Um, I would say it's everything from the small things to all the way to the hard things. So it's those everyday moments that I feel like people don't necessarily realize don't happen for everybody. Um, I don't have a. I guess I should preface, my mom is living. She's alive. She lives an hour away from me. I have not seen her in two years. Um, she has not seen my children since Christmas of twenty twenty three. And she lives an hour away. Okay. Um, so it's this. It's the small, everyday moments of having someone to call just to vent or. Mom, I can't get the baby to stop crying or what do I do when this x, Y, and Z situation? Mom, me and my husband really just need a date night. Um, it's it's all the way to the big things, the milestones, the the holidays, navigating those and trying not to feel guilty about them and setting boundaries and focusing on your four walls, but also wondering if you're doing enough and if you're going to regret it if something happens to that parent the next day. Um, so it's everything from the little things to the big things. Um, make sure I didn't miss anything. It's, it's coming to terms that you're, that your parent chooses every day, actively not to be involved in your life. That is. That is something that will never describe Allison as a mom. You will you choose consistently to show up for your kids and hopefully if anybody knows me, you'll see that theme throughout my entire life, not just in parenting. Number number one in parenting, yes. But that's actually one of my mottos is, is show up. Your presence matters. Um, regardless if it's that, that, that small school assembly or a big thing, which granted, again, as moms, we can't make it to everything and we feel awful when we can't. That's a whole nother discussion. But, um, when you can be there, whether it's for your kids or your spouse or your girlfriend or a coworker, whatever that looks like, and it might not always be, um, physically, right? Like you have friends that live in different geographical regions, but if you can send flowers, send a card, send a text, just show. Showing up and showing action and putting like thought behind your words is really big to me. So I really, really always try to do that in all the relationships that I hold. You are so intentional with your words when you know budget or time might not allow for other things. So I personally can appreciate that. Allison, can you go ahead and share a little bit about your story, like what happened with the dynamic of your family, what hard choices you had to make, and maybe where things are now? Yeah, sure. Um, so I am the youngest of three girls, minimally raised by a single parent by my mom. Um, my dad was in and out of my life. Uh, he was a good guy, but he had his own demons. He fought addiction. So he was in and out of in and out of jail and rehab facilities most of my childhood for just doing doing dumb stuff to get the fix right. It was never violent. He was never a bad guy, but just doing dumb things. Um, so a lot of my childhood memories that revolve around my father was going to visit him in jail or halfway houses or him not being around at all. Um, and unfortunately, my mom thought that meant that made her the superior parent. And what I needed for her to do was to be both parents. And I didn't even get one parent. I got maybe a fraction of a parent. Um, my mom's also an addict. Um, in a different way, uh, more functional. Um, so what it looked like was growing up in poverty, um, food scarcity was often a thing that led to, you know, eating, eating issues into well into adulthood that I still struggle with. Um, it was her spending money on things to fuel her addiction. So like Christmas was things she could buy with food stamps. Um, it was not being allowed to drink the white milk because that was mom's milk and milk was expensive. So like the only time you got white milk was with cereal or the occasional special brownie. The the white milk was off limits the rest of the time. Um, it was when the rare time, like my mom and my sisters went on a little vacation one time. And when I say vacation, you know, it was like an hour away. Um, and they left me at home with my dad and he overdosed while they were gone. And so this was before cell phones, so I had to go stay with the neighbors with no contact for three, four days until my till my mom came home. And I, you know, then I didn't know what was happening then. Right now, as an adult, I look back on all these things and I'm like, what in the world? Or like, oh, that's what that was, you know, and you're like putting those connections together. Um, so, so it was growing up in poverty. My mom smoked cigarettes all the time. So we were the kids that smelled at school. We were the kids that weren't friends, didn't really weren't allowed to come over because we were unsupervised a lot and our house was dirty. Um, so that's kind of what the childhood looked like. And then when I was sixteen, a sophomore in high school, um, my mom got our house repossessed and she said, good luck. See you around, essentially. Um, so my two other sisters are older than me, so they both were on their own. And I was a sophomore in high school, and I, she thought that squatting in a home that she knew about because those people were out of town for like medical treatments, was providing a home. And I refused to do that. So, um, thank God for those people that show up for you and love you when they don't have to. Um, so when I was sixteen, I moved in with my best friend Tiffany's family. Um, and that's where I was for three years until I started college. And I've basically been on my own ever since. And, um, I mean, I still do Christmas with them. I just, uh, Tiffany's mom and I share a birthday, so we have birthday lunch together every year. Um, I'm in the family chat. Uh, my, my, my kids are their grandkids. So, I mean, they became one of my many extra adopted families, thankfully. So, um, just thank God for those people that see what's happening and they, they choose to love you when they don't have to. I think the reason that I am not only emotional about the story that you are telling because wow, to live that as a as a child is an unthinkable. But to see the person you have chosen to be in spite of all of that, is where the emotion for me comes to the forefront. Because I've known you for nine years and I never knew the depth of this and or I mean, I thought you were awesome already. And now I'm like, Holy crap, she's awesome. Despite the fact that all of this stuff happened. I am floored. And The fact that you. It was two years ago since you last spoken to your mom. I'm surprised you haven't. You didn't stop speaking to her at sixteen. I'm impressed. And that's just that that dedication probably of like, she's my mom, like I should write. And what do they happen when we don't want to shit on everything? But what was the turning point for you to set up some boundaries two years ago when you were like this? I will not allow near me anymore or our children. Well, so it's been two years since I physically have seen her. I have I have reached out to her a few times since like via text, but what that looks like is so much different. So when in the past, especially before children, which, you know, I had my first in twenty nineteen, so before children, it was just this, this ache in this, I would, I would react and not respond. I was so angry. Um, at any time I was in the presence of her, my entire personality would shift. I would become someone you wouldn't recognize. My demeanor. I was mean, I was snappy, I was lashing out. All those little girl bubbly feelings were just all over the place, right? So as I've, as I've grown and especially as I became a mom, you know, the anger shifted into astonishment. Like, how could you not want a relationship with these amazing little babies and the people I created them that you created like this? It's astonishment. And then it just turned more into sadness, but like more for her than me because I got to see every day what was so amazing right in front of me. And she was missing that on her own accord, you know? So, um, what shifted is protecting, like realizing that she may not deserve my forgiveness, but I, I do, I deserve forgiveness and I deserve to be able to move forward. And my four walls and my amazing husband and my two little boys. They deserve the best of me. And that relationship doesn't serve the best of me. And so I had to set really intentional boundaries and, and, and boundaries don't have to be big things like give you an example, I changed the way that I talk to her through text. So old Alison would be like, hey, hold an Easter this weekend. Let me know if you can come. Hope you can come. Let me know. New Alison. Hey, I'm hosting Easter this day. You're welcome to join us and I will leave it at that. I don't I don't ask for follow up. I don't expect follow up. My day is going to go the way it's going to go, regardless whether her presence is there or not. And do I want, do I, will I still always a part of me crave a relationship and that attachment? Absolutely. I think everybody, everybody wants that, especially with their mother. but I don't need it. And that's the difference. I have created my own family. Both through my husband and my kids and all my extended friends and family. And, uh, I don't, I don't need it. I don't need that. I don't need her in my life. And that sound, that might sound mean to some people, but it's the truth. And I might be skipping ahead here a little bit, but, like, if she were to show up, that's not going to look how I want it to look. She's not going to get down on the floor and play with my kids. She's not going to come in the kitchen and help me and ask me about my life. That's not what it's going to look like. So really stepping back and being like, okay, you want her presence there, but what does that look like and what do you want it to look like? And what's the reality versus the expectation? And what value is that bringing you? And unfortunately, it wasn't, it wasn't bringing any value. And so I think that's the harder piece Yeah. Is not really not the absence. It's giving up managing that hope that what you wanted is not going to happen. How do you show up the way that you do in spite of the upbringing that you have had? Um, no, it's, it's there's and there I've read some articles and some truth on like when you feel unwanted as a child, you want to make yourself feel needed and valued as a parent, right? Or as a person, as an adult. And, and as you know, I do have my hands in a lot of different pots. But it's funny because pretty much all the pots I have my hands in always end up being like nonprofits or vulnerable populations, right? Like, I mean, my, my undergrad degree in social work, my master's is in healthcare. You know, I on the toys for tots leadership team, I lead Cub Scouts, I'm room mom, I'm the vice president of the American Business Women's Association. I have my hands. A lot of places, and I'm working on that because I don't want those extra things to pull me away from what really matters. At the end of the day, I can be replaced all those other places. I cannot be replaced here at home. And so I'm really trying to, to focus on that intentionality. But how do I show up? I show up vulnerable. I would say, um, I'm a very open book most of the time. Um, but you have to be careful about that too. You'll be vulnerable with the right people. You want to make sure that the, the intentions that they have to listen to into your story are safe, right? Or you're only putting out what you're willing, willing for others to know and do something with, right? So you have to protect yourself, but you have to also step out and allow those opportunities to happen. So I show up loud, I'm loud. Um, I show up friendly and talkative and I'm really honest and maybe sometimes too honest. Um, I'm just not beat around the bush type of person, but I hope that I do that respectfully. Like I want to be intentional. I want to be straightforward both in business and personal life. Like let's just beat all beat around all the bushes and get to the end goal. Like, what do you want? How do we get there? Let's go. I've just always been like a no nonsense person. I had too much, no nonsense and things I couldn't control as a child. But now it's like, okay, well, we don't need to lollygag about it or we don't need to say the word. Just like I take that out of my vocabulary too. Like I was just hoping. No, I was hoping or I was thinking, um, so just being intentional, honest or straightforward, but doing it with a, with I hope is a level of respect and heart that people know. I have good intentions all the time. I mean, I don't get it all. I don't get it right all the time. Absolutely. But when I mess up, I hope you know, it's That I, that I was trying that I cared and it wasn't malicious. It wasn't out of anything but love. Um, and so, and then at the end of the day, like just showing, just showing up in general, just show up, you know, just you can't fail if you're not there to begin with. You can't succeed if you're not there. Your intent is known by those who are closest to you. And so your statement of I, I hope they know my intent is good. If they don't know you well enough, then that's on them to wonder if your intent is not good. I you were at the leadership conference not too long ago, and two things stick out to my mind for you. When you come into a room, it is not about look at me. It is about who can I serve. And I love to operate with that thought process. And there's not a ton of people that I also see do that. But it is prevalent with you, and I admire that because it is an art. The second thing is you take the time in moments when people would be like, oh, I'll do that later. You stop what you're doing in that very moment and you do it then. You are very action based with the intent of I'm here to serve. And if people again, don't know your intent, that is on them. I, I love to think about you as a person and how you have used your hardships to blossom into the person that you are today. And so let's apply that to your parenting. How has or even let's get specific in what ways has parenting differently than your parents? Actually, they can't become like a huge strength of yours. Yeah. So like you said, you know, at the very beginning, I, the, I took, I learned more about what I didn't want to be more than what I wanted to be. Right. So my, you know, go the opposite way also. I mean, out of every hardship comes strengths and new qualities, right? So. The strengths that kind of came along with that. We've already hit on intentionality. I'm very intentional. I'm self-aware. Like I, I sit back and reflect a lot and like, could I have done that differently? Um, did I communicate that the way that I intended? Was it received the way that I intended that to be received? Um, my communication skills, relationship building and like even to step back for a second. I grew up without a great parenting role model, but I also grew up without a good marriage role model. My mom was a single mom. Um, she spoke very ill of my father and all men in general. Uh, she never dated or that I was aware of. Um, she just never had anything good to say about men. So coming into relationships and choosing, having a healthy relationship that that then bleeds into a healthy parenting. Right? Because we want to model that for our children. So I would say relationships and communication, but I mean, I just got blessed with the absolute best. My husband is fantastic and he helped me do a lot of growing up when it comes to those communications. So like he can have hard conversations and he wants to have those hard conversations and he'll make, you know, he'll, he'll encourage me to sit down and have those tough conversations about like, why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling or why I reacted the way that I did so that we can figure that out. Um, so, and that's kind of bleed, you know, bled over into all kinds of relationships, right? So I guess the strength would be communication and relationship building. I've already talked about them just kind of direct. Um, and, and I know what I'll accept from others and what I won't accept from others. And that saves a lot of time and heartache. Um, if, you know, if, but I'm a, I'm a, I'm one of those people that, like, everyone's welcome in my bubble. Come in my bubble, I, I. If I meet, I can meet you. Hey, you're my friend. Come on in. And then once you know, once you've lost that privilege is then when I kind of remove you. Whereas some other people who've gone through some similar situations that I've gone through, they're kind of you have to earn your way into their bubble and nothing right or wrong about that. Um, but I just, I don't know, I, I, I'm not the expert on nature versus nurture and how all that works, but I just know that I'm thankfully always been a pretty positive half glass person. I just, I want to love you all and hopefully you stay here, but if you don't like, I'm not for everyone and that's okay. And you're not, you know, not everyone's for everyone. And you have to figure out your tribe and what works for you. And so the last thing I guess I'll say about the strength is again, just showing, just showing up like I was the. I was the kid that didn't have a parent in the like in the, in the crowd for volleyball games. Like I was the kid that when we had away games, everybody else's parents had to buy me food because my parents were there and they didn't send me with anything. Right. I was in in the rare case that my mom did show up, she would just try to act like this amazing parent and that she knew all these things about me. And it's like, like if, you know, if she were to walk in my door right now, like, I don't know if she could tell you where I work. I don't know if she can tell you what grade my kids are in. Um, so I guess just sorry I'm all over the place, but yeah, just being being real, I guess. Just keeping it real. And sometimes you might not want to hear it, but I'm keeping it real, which is if somebody doesn't want to hear the realness, that's an insecurity on their own, you know that. Yeah. Does the thought of here, does this thought ever enter your mind? And if so, how do you navigate it? That concept of I don't know what to do here because I never saw it modeled. Yeah, absolutely. Um, I'm learning off to fly off the cuff every day. Like I don't have this arsenal of pairing tools in the back of my mind or, or I haven't made these connections. Oh, when I did this, my mom handled it this way. Um, I don't have those to fall back on. Um, thankfully, as I mentioned earlier, I've had a lot of amazing, awesome bonus people that have taken me in. So I have that to see. You know, between my sister's mother in law, my bonus mom, and my neighbor Amanda, who's just like the most amazing mom ever. Um, thankfully I have a lot of people that I can go to, but again, that's, that's going back to being vulnerable and asking for help, which I know we'll probably talk about later. That is not always easy for us to do as women moms, especially when you come from a, you know, a situation like mine where you were so self-reliant for so long. Out of survival, not out of choice. And, um, so yeah, I think surrounding yourself with a good village. And then thankfully nowadays there's so many tools available online, right? You can, you can follow all these amazing parenting people. There's so many books. If you have the time to read them, um, working on that. Um, but, and then thankfully, my husband is a great sounding board. We've done some therapy together as far as like specific parenting therapy, like our, you know, our six year old, he's, he's a big, he's a big feeler. And sometimes it escalates quickly and we're like, whoa, what do we do about this? And, you know, and sometimes we find ourselves reacting and not responding out of, you know, our own insecurities and our own childhoods. So we try hard to take those steps and practice the pause, tap each other out. If we need like a, you're, you're getting a little emotional walk away. Um, but yeah, I mean, but then I guess at the end of the day, I think, what would I have wanted? Like if I was the child? Like, what does this really mean? He's just feeling disconnected. He needs he needs some time in with mom, whatever that looks like. So what would I have? How would I have wanted to be comforted in this moment? And what what? You know, what should I do about it? And I'm not right all the time. Um, and I'm probably jumping around here, but I think one thing that I really try to do as a parent is, is communicate with my kids in an age appropriate way, of course. But like I'm honest with them, I apologize. Um, my six year old, he, he's so smart, man. He wants to be a neurologist when he grows up. He can name all four lobes of the brain. He's he's amazing. Um, he asked tough questions and he'll call us out about things. And so I, I said to him recently, hey, buddy, you know how this is your first time being a kid? This is my first time being a mom. And, um, I'm sorry I didn't get it right today. And then we'll, we'll talk about what we liked about the situation, what we didn't like about the situation, and what we're going to do different the next time. And we're just, I just I am a big believer in you. Just you gotta your kids have to see you apologize. They have to see you wrong. And they have to know that you're human and you don't have it all figured out too. And so I'm just a big component of talking to my kids and, and owning, owning what I don't know, and then trying to figure it out and a beautiful life you are giving them because you're choosing that, because you're choosing to talk with them and communicate differently and show up for them. I mean, it's something that like you had said, you wished that you would have had. And I love, love that thought process. How did you decide to start choosing joy instead of choosing resentment? Well, um. I think it's hard not to choose joy when you have this beautiful little bundle in front of you, right? When you become a mom and you become a parent, your entire priority shifts. Um, sorry, I get emotional. Okay. Um, yeah. Like it's not about you anymore. You know, at the end of the day, it's not about you. It's about these tiny humans that you are now responsible for and that are going to become adults by watching you. And I don't want them to see me living in the past or focusing so much on what I don't have, that I'm losing sight of the joy and the blessings that I do have. Um, so I think when you are lucky enough to have an awesome marriage and an awesome partner, it's a lot easier to find the joy. So I hope, I hope everybody has that that's listening. I think it's a, a big responsibility to make sure you pick the right kids for your, the right dad for your kids. And that's easier said than done. You know, there's a whole things with that. But, um, I'm thankful that I, that I did. And, um, so how do I choose joy? Um, I don't, I don't know. I just, I try to live intentionally and where I'm at and what I can control versus what I can't control. And yes, a part of me always hopes that that would have been different. Um, but that's okay. Like I'm, it's not and that's okay. And it's not going to change. And I may not get to decide like what my path look like or where I came from, but I do get to decide where I go from now from here. And that trickles down to your household, to those that are around you. And I have a responsibility to not only myself, but to my children to choose joy. Um, and my household makes it very easy, thankfully. Um, if you want to come over for a Star Wars Jedi fight any night of the week, you're gonna we all have our matching, uh, lightsabers, but, um, how I choose joy over resentment. I, I, you know, I'm not sure. I just think that some people have a general disposition towards joy and happiness, and thankfully I. I have that for whatever blessing that entails. Um, so I don't know, just choosing every day to focus on what I have and not dwell on what I didn't have. I know when I get to rewrite it, I get to rewrite the future and break those generational cycles. And you're doing that so well. I love to think about I could very easily choose, you know, if it's not resentment, it could be pessimism or sadness, or I could dwell. But I always love to think about what the feeling is with that. And would I rather feel that or would I rather feel joy? And the weird thing is, people sometimes think that choosing joy is hard. It's hard. And yet once you start that practice. It becomes so much easier you don't even notice the others. I think a lot of people think it has to be one or the other, like it has to be grief or it has to be joy. Um, and it can be both and it can be both at times. It can be one at this day and one at this day. Like I still have my moments, right? Like, you know, when you see the like my wedding, there was no dad to walk me down the aisle. Um, those milestone moments or, you know, like the fact that my husband and I have spent two nights together alone in six years because there is there's no grandparents. Like. Think about that thought for a second, Denise. My kids will never, ever have a sleepover with a grandparent, let alone ever be babysat by one. Like, how crazy is that? You know what I mean? So that trickles into my marriage, too, because we have to be really intentional about making time to spend with each other, because we don't have someone just to call to watch our kids. That is safe and appropriate. Um, but it doesn't have to be both. You know, you don't have to. They can coexist, whether it's through, um, my situation, whether it's through divorce or death, like you're going to have pockets. Um, and some days are going to be harder than others, but like, hopefully the more good days than you have bad days. You've covered so many wonderful things. Is there anything that you might have thought about as you prepared for our conversation today that you want to make sure that we touch on? You've done a phenomenal job of integrating your lessons with examples of life and showing how to show up for people, even when no one showed up for you at a young age. And then you chose your you chose your people and you chose joy. And it's a it's a remarkable story. Thank you. Um, I guess just in closing for like anybody that might be listening that, you know, has strained relationships, biological family, whether, you know, regardless of that's a parent or a grandparent, a sibling, whatever. I just want to reiterate that like, just because you're someone's your blood, you don't, you don't owe them anything. Um, I think often, like one, one thing that really sticks out to me is people like to say, well, you only get one mom. Well, she only got one me. And that didn't really seem to matter. So like, it's okay to need help outside of your biological family and what you need and what you deserve and what your kids deserve is to be surrounded by positive, loving people and whether they're related or not, at the end of the day, that doesn't matter. So find the people that tell you that you know, let me know if you need anything. But then they prove it with their actions, okay? And it doesn't matter whether they're related or not. Um, so try to let go of that guilt and set those boundaries for yourself because boundaries are really actually there to protect you and your kids. And they can be big, they can be small. I can look however you want it to be, and you're going to get pushback, right? Because the people you're setting boundaries with are the ones that are not willing or unable or unable to address the unhealthiness that they bring into the relationship. Right? Or, or they're people, they're people like, it's gonna, it's going to be, you're going to be getting the blame. Oh, so and so is too good for us now or so and so thinks they're better than us or however they're going to frame that. Let them talk, let them whatever. That's fine because they're not willing or able to face what they need to face to grow. And that's not your problem. So again, just if they're you don't owe anybody anything, find your people and focus on yourself and focus on your kids. Um, because, I mean, you're, you're raising, you're modeling what your grandchildren are going to have one day. That's crazy to think about, but you have a such a great opportunity. But it's also very hard. It's hard. So I would just say, like for any of you that are already doing this, like, good job, I'm proud of you because setting boundaries and, um, breaking generational cycles is hard work, man. And it can be really lonely, especially if half of the family, if people take sides and the unhealthy people stick with the unhealthy people and they aren't willing to do the growth that that that needs to happen, it can be lonely. Um, but it also can be once you get on the other side. It's so freeing too. Um, my sister and I often trauma dump a lot with each other, right? But we also laugh so much like, can you believe this is what our parent did in this situation? Because our kids are very close in age, so thankfully we have each other to bounce things off of each other. And, um, that's, I guess that'd be the other thing too. Like I didn't grow up with aunts and uncles and cousins in my life, and my sister and I are very intentional about, about that if you ask. If you ask my niece any day of the week where she wants to go, it's Aunt Allie's house. Um, she always wants to come here. And I think it's because I have the best snacks, but that's okay. Um, so our we're just very intentional about spending time together, too. But yeah, it's just wild, man. When you, when we have conversations and, and those aha moments click sometimes of like, oh my gosh, like, I cannot believe that's what happened or that's how they chose to handle that situation. So I'm getting off getting off course here, but just to say that it's hard work. And, um, I'm, I'm proud of anybody that's doing it. If you need someone in your village, come on in. Um, and just keep putting you and your kids first, because that's not selfish. That's that's how it should be. Lightning round questions are enjoyable, and yet I don't know, I. Of course, we always prep for these. But like, I don't know if I want to go down some of these. So I'll start with one that you might be prepped for. Allison, what does choosing joy look like in everyday parenting for you besides lightsaber fights? At the end of the day? Choosing joy in something I'm. And something I'm proud of, too. It's kind of lead together for me because those two kind of run hand in hand. So like from like the basics, like I'm, how do I choose joy knowing that my children will never go hungry, they will never worry about their basic needs being met and that they will never have to wonder if mom's going to show up or dad for that matter. Um, that we're always we're always going to be there. So how do I choose joy? I mean, they make it really easy. They're super cute, but, um, they, I guess seeing seeing what you're putting out returned to you. So I have this little thing I like to do when I become the kissy monster. And I just kiss all over their faces. Right? And, um, my little three year old with his little chubby fingers and the little dimples on his hands, right? He'll grab my cheeks, and he'll just very lightly kiss me all over the face. And so just seeing like that, and I didn't that was the other thing. There was no affection in my childhood. So like seeing that they and that they, they, they say I love you to me without being prompted. They kiss me and hug me and snuggle up and they're used to me doing it to him all day long. Right? Um, so just seeing that they are so comfortable and, and showing their love in both communication and, um, action, um, that brings me so much joy that I'm already there, three and six, that I'm already changing their ability to receive and give love, um, and to feel worthy. And I'm modeling a healthy marriage that I didn't have. Um, and hopefully setting them up for success with a future partner. And I tell them all the time since I have boys like, you know, you gotta learn these things if you're going to be a good husband, you know, my husband takes them to pick out flowers. And, um, I'm trying to teach him to pick up after themselves and trying to raise good humans over here, but especially good, uh, handsome men. Um, one of my friends recently asked me, Alison, what do you think your kids will do when they grow up? Will they be a doctor? Will they be a lawyer? Will they whatever. You know, and I didn't expect it, but I just said back, you know, as long as they're happy, productive, compassionate members of society, the rest will figure itself out. I don't care what they do, as long as they're happy And nice, genuine people. That's all I'm shooting for here. And it sounds simple. It's not simple. But I think as parents we often set the bar really high for ourselves. Or we think that we need to do this when in fact we really like, you know, any day of the week you'd ask your kids, what do you want to do for spring break? And here where you're thinking that they want to go on like some big elaborate plan or trip or whatever, and they hit you back and just say they want to go on a nature hike, you know, like a nature hike at the park. Like we so often get in our own heads and think that we have to deliver this grand, grand thing all the time, right? When really all the all our kids want is us and our attention. And going back to your presentation last week for the panel, give me your full face. I think with yeah, look at me with your whole face. Listen with your whole face. Um, they are thankfully pretty simple creatures. They just want us and we don't have to make that complicated. Allison house. Right. As you can tell, an amazing wife, mom, community member and supporter of all people and especially women. Thank you for being part of this conversation and being vulnerable to share because somebody listening needed to hear what you had to say, and you were brave enough to do the hard thing. Thank you Denise. That's this week's episode of the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. Be sure to connect with us online at Working Moms Redefined dot com. Thank you for listening to the Working Moms Redefined podcast. It is not lost on me that you chose to spend time together. Thank you. Let's connect outside of the space on socials. We'd love for you to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest. We've got it all to connect with you. If you feel as if someone in your life could be impacted by this message, feel free to share it. That is the biggest compliment as we part ways together. Remember, you can do hard things.
