Untitled - September 24, 2025
00:00:00 Speaker: Did you forget it was pajama day at school? Did you serve cereal for dinner again? Same girl. Hi, I'm Denise Duncan with working moms Redefined. I've made something for both you and me. It's called nine minutes a day for a lifetime of connection. It's a thirty minute masterclass that gives you permission to drop the guilt and connect with your kids in real ways, with only nine minutes each day. You are doing better than you think. I promise. Let's stop aiming for perfection and instead show up in the nine minutes that mean the most. You can find it now at Working Moms Redefined dot com or in our show notes. Hi, I'm Denise, host of the Working Moms Redefined podcast. Let's join together as we lessen the hold of mom guilt in our lives, thrive in our careers, and raise great kids. You are doing enough. Let us boost your confidence today on this episode of Working Moms Redefined podcast. Have you ever noticed how one small, teeny decision, something as simple as cutting your hair, picking out different shoes, or putting on lipstick can make you feel like a whole new person. Hi, it's Denise and welcome to this week's episode of the Working Moms Redefined podcast. So we got bangs a couple of weeks ago. She finally earned her bangs, if you will. She'd been talking about wanting bangs for quite a while now. She is beautiful curly hair and yet it is curly hair. Fuzziness is something that we notice in our hair, let's put it that way. And we need to take good care of it. Moisture, moisture, moisture. And for four months, she had to show me that she was going to take good care of her hair. She did it. She earned her bangs. So we got bangs. Pretty risky, if you ask me. With curly hair, when you cut it, it springs up. So what you think might be now granted, that's a hairstylist decision to make, but for me, what you think might be the shortness of them, they change the next day because they get all crazy. Curly hair is insane. And yet when she got those bangs, she became a whole new person. Like a whole new vibe. I'll be sure to share some photos on our Facebook and Instagram pages. Be sure to check them out, because that smile of hers is beaming, beaming. And it begged the question for me why did something as small as bangs create such a big ripple? When was the last thing that something that you did for you? Were you truly leaned into your authenticity, how it had such a ripple? Now bangs, that is not going to be my thing. I've gotten bangs two or three times in my entire life, and the next day I instantly regret it. I sweat, they get sweaty, they get sticky. They're in my way. I'm constantly messing with them. That's why oftentimes you'll see my hair tucked behind my ear. Bangs are not my thing. But for me, when I put heels on, I am going to conquer the world when I have the color red. Like these glasses. If you're watching on our YouTube channel, I am sassy in the best way. How is it that these physical changes can give us permission to show up differently, to show up better? I like to think about the fact that yes, we're doing things externally to our bodies, yet the internal shift is what stands out the most. You feel better, you think better thoughts. You have an alignment, if you will, with who you really are. And it takes something from time to time, like cutting your bangs. It's like she finally gave herself the freedom to say, this is me, watch me roar to the point where I've actually got a message from a couple of her teachers saying this confidence is Sydney. She's she's thriving. And I admire Sydney for so many things. And yet especially this because from time to time, I still find it hard for me to resist that people pleasing concept and to be my authentic self. And what does it look like for you? What does it look like to live authentically as you? My entire life, honestly, up until like a couple years ago, I adapted and shifted to fit what I thought the scenario needed. Whether it was a friend group, whether it was a client, you name it. I was like, you need this, I'll adapt. You need this. I'll be that. I was actually not living in who I authentically am. I love to speak on stage and that's okay. I love to ask really deep connecting questions. I love to make people feel awesome about themselves, and sometimes it can be viewed as fake or egotistical or you name it. There have been thoughts around it, but do I think those things? Absolutely not, because I know my intent. I know that when I show up as authentically me, everything feels in alignment. The weight that is lifted off your shoulders when you actually say no to something that you would have said yes to a year or so prior, is such a gift because you're authentically allowing people and events to be or not be in your life. Sometimes when we set up those boundaries or guardrails, people don't like it. People aren't going to like from time to time your authentic self. And isn't that the ultimate goal to be able to be okay with that? There is going to be someone that does not like Sydney's banks that thinks they look funny. But for every person that says that, there's another that doesn't. And yet, why are we talking about these external people when ultimately we know if you can look in the mirror and like the way you look, feel and act, you're living authentically. Typically when we don't, it's exhausting. When we lean into our quirks, our weirdness, our style, our true voice, it actually does the exact same for others. It gives them the opportunity to admire you and see, okay, Denise is owning the fact that she's got some weird quirks I do too. Why am I my light? To let others shine brighter? But stop doing it. And then the next step is how do we as adults? Let's be honest, we're still learning to live our authentic selves. How can we help our kids do it? And dare I say sooner? For me, I gotta notice what these kids are doing that lights them up. Hudson is really into documentaries, sharks, football and baseball. When I watch him do these things, he lights up. He remembers this so much better. So how can we pour into that? Well, for his birthday, he got tickets to go to a professional baseball game. His reward for doing really well in school sometimes is watching ten minutes on a weeknight of documentary. The things that light them up. Give them passion, give them confidence to be able to talk about certain things. Sydney, she really likes piano. She's good at it. She really loves volleyball. She's good at it. What are we doing to pour into these kids and the things that they love? And it lights them up so that they build that confidence to be authentically them. Now, I'm not saying there's any correlation between being good at volleyball and wanting to get bangs, but it's a sense of confidence. So many of us fight that thought of I'm not good enough, and yet what if we made it a point? And so intentional with that of saying you are really good enough and this makes it better? What lights you up? Some other things to build authenticity is give them freedom to try things. My mom did a fabulous job of this when I was growing up is I wanted to try a different hairstyle. She would absolutely say, go for it. She. And believe me, I had some not so great hairstyle choices. She could have said, hmm, I don't think we're gonna do that. She let me. I'm pretty decent at doing hair now. I like my hair, and I feel as if sometimes I was authentically more so me than I. Even less than could have been because I was able to choose a hairstyle. Sydney and Hudson love picking out their outfits. I don't even on picture day now. Make them let me pick out their outfits. Because this is a season of life where I don't want to forget it. They're matching means that pink and red go together. They're matching means that their favorite Christmas socks go with their Halloween shirt because it's a holiday. I don't want to forget those joys. And man, did they walk out with their head held high of those days when they're prideful of how they feel and what they're showing to the world as a form of creativity, if you will. And it's hard sometimes in those moments to not project my own expectation or honestly, my own people pleasing tendencies. Again, recovering people pleasers. People pleaser. When we project onto them how we're afraid that they're going to feel it's not healthy for anyone, they're probably not going to feel that way if you haven't done it before. That's why it's so important to model authenticity ourselves. Humility is our posture. Transparency in things that make us fearful or that make us feel, oh my gosh, what somebody's going to think of that when we talk about that with them or we reflect. It allows them to say, oh, I've struggled with that as well, but we don't have to because we're not alone. Authenticity is beautiful, and there are days still from time to time that I'm like, oh, I'm not going to talk about that on social media. People don't care whether that's true or not. I have a desire now to share a story. As long as my intent is good, impact is different. Today we were simply talking about bangs and it turned into a conversation about authenticity. And what does that look like? So for me, the rest of the day, I have plans with some girlfriends. I don't anymore find myself giving in to gossip. I don't anymore find myself saying, oh, I loved that when I didn't even watch that or read that book, I would say it. I would lie to fit in. I don't do that anymore. And it was hard in the beginning. And so today when I go meet these girlfriends, I'm going to lean into my weirdness. I am going to love the fact that I love a Lemon Drop martini with some lavender syrup. I enjoy the fact that I am wearing heels, even though I tore my calf a couple weeks ago. Because these weird things make me me. And why are we giving weird a negative connotation. So might I challenge you to find your weirdness? Identify it. Talk it through with your kids and give them permission to embrace their quirks. To realize that weird is only what our brains decide it to be, and you have the power, ultimately to change the definition. Go against the grain, if you will. And remember, that's doing lots of hard things and you can do hard things. Thank you for listening to the Working Moms Redefined podcast. It is not lost on me that you chose to spend time together. Thank you. Let's connect outside of this space on socials. We'd love for you to follow us on Instagram Facebook LinkedIn, Pinterest. We've got it all to connect with you. If you feel as if someone in your life could be impacted by this message, feel free to share it. That is the biggest compliment as we part ways together. Remember, you can do hard things.
