Untitled - July 22, 2025
00:00:00 Speaker: Hi, I'm Denise. Host of the Working Moms Redefined podcast. Let's join together as we lessen the hold of mom guilt in our lives, thrive in our careers, and raise great kids. You are doing enough. Let us boost your confidence today on this episode of Working Moms Redefined podcast. Parenting is fun. Parenting is hard. Parenting is learning that you have a lot to still work on yourself. It's humbling, as it should be. Hey, it's Denise, and thank you for listening to this week's episode of the Working Moms Redefined podcast. Leadership is something that I love to discuss while also realizing that it is so over arching. There's so many different entities of what leadership means, how to apply it, where do you start? What does that look like? And for me, I take it down to a simple level, especially because that's how I'm going to be able to help kids learn how to be leaders. And if it's not the hardest thing that I have done yet, we want our kids to do so much, to be so much. Why? Sometimes it's because we want them to be a positive reflection of ourselves. That's probably not healthy, actually. It's it's not healthy. And yet, as I was raised, it was we want to make our parents proud. And ultimately, when they get praise from other parents like, oh, she's so awesome, you've done such a good job with her. Thank you, thank you. I really appreciate that. I don't want that. Do I value and appreciate when someone says it? Of course. But ultimately I want to be able to know that when they mess up, that's not my mess up. When they succeed, that's not my success, it's theirs. And how do you lead and teach them to lead themselves? I take it very basic, The phrase that I teach are six and eight year old is do good, do the right thing when no one else is looking because the hope there is. You'll do the right and good thing when everyone is looking, because that's an internal moral compass, if you will. My sister often says if in moments of conflict with her children, she'll say, ooh, that's a heart problem. That's a heart problem. That's in my mind. Like, that's the moral compass. That is, what are our values? What are we going to stand for? What are we going to allow? What are we not going to allow? And are we going to do the right thing when no one is looking? Sweet, sweet baby Hudson. I have read more so lately that the first born boy. So the first boy in your family is often a reflection of their mother, and sometimes even how their mother wishes they could show up. If that's not the darndest truth, I don't know what is. Hudson is a little man that was put on this earth by God to teach me patience, to teach me resiliency, to teach me emotions, and no shame in sharing those emotions. To know that as hard as I want something done a certain way, that ultimately is probably not going to be the way that it is done by a in this right now case six year old. It's taught me many a things. It's beautiful. And this sweet boy, little Hudson. Needs to work on doing the right thing when no one is looking. And I often think about when I record these podcasts is what happens five years down the road when we share life stories or with whomever. If my grandma's looking, listening, you know, refer back to Sexual Health episode with Leah Hemming. Grandma, don't listen to that one. I don't want them to ever feel shame or guilt or embarrassment. So when I share this little anecdote about Hudson, I'm going to raise my hand first and say, I used to do this too. Which then, of course, just validates the thought of he is exactly who I wish I could be or could have been. So this little cute little boy is go goes to the bathroom. He then knows that he's supposed to wash his hands. I get it. Boys are different. Opportunities to touch and get things on their hand might be a little different than us females, but nonetheless, you touched a toilet handle and a seat. There are germs. Wash your hands. Plus, I buy the nice soap that smells good. Your hands are gonna smell good afterwards, I promise. If you really want to freak your kids out, my sister has this fabulous germ video that shows germs underneath of your nails, to the point where her second son would not stop washing his hands Because it freaked him out so much, so I guess I could. So I applied that and, uh, had Hudson watch it. It did not impact him the same way that it did David, but nonetheless, Hudson went to the bathroom. He got on the little step stool, and I was in the kitchen, and I could directly see into the bathroom. I think some of you guys know exactly where this is going. He stood on the step stool. He moved the soap dispenser. He turned the water on and he looked at himself in the mirror. And I watched this little kid fake wash his hands. He didn't put soap on his hands. He did not put his hands under the water. And when he shut the water off, he even grabbed the towel to dry his hands. He did all of the motions that are required to wash your hands, except he chose not to do it because no one was watching. No one was holding him accountable but himself, and that apparently that day was a non-negotiable. I would challenge myself and saying, I bet it's most days, right? Definitely taking note of that when he wants me to hold his hand. Nonetheless, he did not do the right thing when someone was looking because he didn't know that I could see him from the kitchen. So he comes out and I do a very good job now of not accusing or not saying what they did, because I love to see them get in the hot seat a little bit. And I say, Hudson, do you have anything that you'd like to share that just happened in that bathroom? Nope. Just kept walking on. He probably assumed that I, you know, like, did you get it all out or did you wipe? Did you check to make sure you were clean? That's probably what he assumed. But realizing that he didn't, that he cut corners was not on his radar. And I said, as he tried to walk away, I said, come back to me, my friend. And I said, can I smell that new soap that I put in that bathroom? Sure, go get it, he said. And I said, oh, but didn't you just use it? Can I just not smell it on your hands? And then he looked at me and he knew that he was caught. He goes. Sure. The little kid handed me his hands and I can't believe I did it. I smelled him, they did not smell like the Lavender Bergamot Bath and Body Works soap that was in the crab dispenser in his bathroom. Shocker, I saw it. I don't know why I did it, I could have faked sniffed. Nonetheless, I said, Hudson, these do not smell clean. Hudson, they're not even wet. I thought. I just heard you wash your hands. Well, I did, I turned the water on and this is where he is so strategic in his thinking. And again, like, this was me. This was me, he said. I turned the water on. I touched the towel. He told me the truth and all of those statements. And then I said, did you wash your hands? No. I said, thank you for telling me the truth. I watched you not wash your hands. Why did you not do the right thing when no one and everyone was looking? And his instant response, which I would expect of a six year old, was like, I didn't know you were looking. And I said, that's the point. And isn't that the point, guys? Isn't the point to do the right thing, especially when no one is looking? We've talked about how I truly believe that you lead yourself more than you lead anybody else in this entire world. And it's true. Come at me. Prove me wrong. I love a challenge. You make choices that benefit you, and that are a disservice to you each and every day. Is it as simple as washing your hands? It sure is. Because the day that you choose to not wash your hands and then you know that somebody saw you not wash your hands and they call you out for it. Apply that to life, right? Apply that to not completing the document, not reading all of the bullet points that then in turn told you. Do you ever remember those trick things like like, hey, if you read it all the way down here? Because at the very beginning it said for you to read all of the instructions before you started. You now don't have to do this project, but because you didn't follow the first direction, you know, or working on things that you didn't have to work on. We oftentimes take the easy road out. We cut corners. We do the right thing only when someone is looking, because that gets us praise. That gets us accolades. But isn't practice. Let's apply this to sports. Isn't practice where the athlete is built. It's not the game. If you don't put in the time and effort to practice, you're never going to be the star of the game. Same thing. Leadership is not built on a stage. Leadership is leading yourself and doing the right thing when no one and everyone is looking. When I tell you that I was exactly like Hudson, I literally did the same thing my mom did the exact scenario that I described. She smelled my hands. Except he did better than me, I lied. Now, I would tell you that he definitely was strategic in his answers, which good on him, buddy. He didn't lie. He's smart. That kid will be the death of me and the joy. But he still did better than me. I lied because I cut corners. I cut corners in high school. Don't judge me. But our volleyball team did. And some of you ladies who played volleyball with me are thinking, I know what she's going to talk about. Well, sure you do. Because you did it with me. Because only one person did the right thing when no one and everyone was looking right. Specific people. We in the town that we grew up in, we would run up to the park. We would run around the park, which ended up being like a mile and a half. Two miles felt like five. But nonetheless, you get up there to the park and the coach didn't come with us. He trusted us. Bummer, because we broke that trust. We did not lead ourselves. When we got to that park, we stood at the corner. We stood at the corner. And one woman. Her name is Blair. She is still a friend. She still does the right thing when no one and everyone is looking. Because she didn't cut corners from a very young age, she literally ran all those corners of the park. So the rest of our team got to stand there and watch her run around the park. Quarter mile. And so then we knew when to start running back, because she did the work and we just leeched onto her and followed her back. I don't know how someone found out. Looking back as a 35 year old self, it could have been the neighbors. There were so many people at the library. Could have been Blair, could have been one of our team members. Feeling really guilty. I can guarantee you it wasn't me because I didn't have to run. I did the next time, but that day I didn't have to. Because the next time our coach, Klusmeyer, drove his car with us because we broke trust when we didn't lead ourselves. Smart man. He should have done that. And isn't that like us testing the boundaries? We're seeing what we can get away with. I don't hate that concept. I just hate it when it's not doing well for our moral compass. Do good when no one and everyone is looking because we lead ourselves more than anybody else. And so it's very easy for me to point out these things in Hudson that I don't like. And it's truthfully because I did it too. Imagine if I didn't make the choice. And I don't know what that turning point was, but imagine if I didn't stop cutting corners. Imagine if I chose to be sneaky and get that excitement of, ooh, I wonder if I'm going to get caught in doing the wrong thing. I don't know what that turning point was. All I know is that it was a choice. It was a choice for me to no longer cut corners and to do the right thing when everyone and no one was looking. Because that's a leader. You're a leader. Sharing these types of stories, teaching and leading your kids in these types of capacities is how you teach it. Give yourself some credit. You are doing it. And then I ask you to maybe consider this question when you're by yourself, could you do it better? Could you do it differently? Or could you even do it if maybe I was giving you too much grace? Nonetheless, that is your decision because you lead yourself more than anyone else when it comes to parenting. If you want to know how to teach your children how to be leaders, take it to the simple level with the statement do the right thing when no one is looking and do the right thing when everyone is. Thank you for listening to the Working Moms Redefined podcast. It is not lost on me that you chose to spend time together. Thank you. 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