Untitled - May 26, 2025
00:00:00 Speaker: Hi, I'm Denise, host of the Working Moms Redefined podcast. Let's join together as we lessen the hold of mom guilt in our lives, thrive in our careers, and raise great kids. You are doing enough. Let us boost your confidence today on this episode of the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. It is another episode of the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. And a... At home... Episode. Not only in studio, if you can visit and watch us on YouTube, you will see the at-home studio is actually the workout area in the basement. But when you're interviewing and talking with your husband... You make what works on a week night at home in the basement so that we at As women and listeners can better understand or try to understand another person's way of thinking that is a different gender than us, And honestly, how you and I, Jeremy, navigate not only our marriage, but parenting as a whole. So with that, I introduce you to this week's guest. Jeremy, talk it. Jeremy, welcome. Welcome. Thanks for coming downstairs to hang out with me. Well, thank you so much for having me. Sis, that's weird. Jeremy, this podcast has been in the making since December of 2024, and you have been... A trooper in the support of that where we really work towards empowering working moms and Thriving in our careers and raising good kids. It has been so cool to see you do the same in a weird but different way. We are going to talk a lot about how you have seen transitions in parenting, in our marriage, how you might have perceived what you thought a working mom to be based on. Your own mom. And then we'll play a fun game at the end because I do have one regret now at our wedding that I think about it, which he and I have talked about. I've had no regrets this entire week. Pretty much our entire ten years of marriage until now. Like, do you know what my regret is? I think you wanted to play the shoe game. I wanted to play the freaking shoe game. So today we are going to do my variation of the shoe game. I love the shoe game. I love the shoe game. It's personal. Nonetheless, I digress. Before we get into the opportunities, if you will, the hard questions, I would love, because it's been a while, to hear your version of how we met and got together, Mr. Jeremy. Take it away. I seem to remember I was living in Springfield, Illinois, actually. I was working as a contractor for Comcast. And a project came up in my hometown, Quincy, Illinois. So I told them I'd take it. And I came back and worked for a couple weeks and just so happened to be Adams County Fair weekend. Good old county fairs. That's right. So I dropped in and some people Beautiful crazy girl came up and asked me if I like math too and pointed at my wrist. If you're looking at our YouTube channel right now, you can see that he has an infinity symbol on his wrist. And I do love math. And so then what happened when I came up to you and I said, do you love math? I then had to inform her after I finally figured out that she was talking about my tattoo on my wrist. That it was in memory of my grandpa. Dead grandpa. Yeah. And so how did I recover? Uh, you really didn't. Yeah, huh? I shook your hand and said, hi, I'm Denise. That's true, you did. But it wasn't really a recovery, it was, it was more of a diversion. Or... A quick action to know, hey, if I'm going to wrangle this guy, I better do it now. And it has proven to be effective. Now, after that moment, I remember turning about a mile from home and you had sent me a Facebook messenger because we did not have each other's phone numbers. This is true. Our relationship started with Facebook Messenger. And if you listened to the episode with my mom, which was episode three, we talk about how when I entered into Facebook, Jeremy's house in Springfield at the time, the Friends poster was referenced. Said, said Friends poster in the background of tonight's at-home basement studio. One day, people. One day. A great little intro as to how we got together, Jeremy. Thank you for that. And so I was going to start off with... Your opinions and thoughts on working moms. I either have a plan. Shocker. But I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna switch. I think I'm going to adjust. And start with the marriage. Because... The marriage was first before the kids. And I think it's important for us to realize as working parents that the marriage still comes first before the kids, even though lately we've been joking like, hey, high five in the driveway. When one person goes to baseball practice and the other one takes the kid to piano. Nonetheless, Jeremy, what is one of your favorite things about our marriage? I think one of my favorite things is that I either get to come home to or my best friend gets to come home to me. Well, that was nice. I did not expect that. It's true. Okay. Well, good job. Okay. Are you going to ask me my favorite thing or do I just want me to go? What's one of your favorite things, Dearsh? Hey, thanks. Um, you know, the comical answer is it's really nice to have a handyman and not have to pay for it all the time. You know, there's that joke, right? Right. Of like when a woman is by herself, she can move mountains at home. Right. Put all the packages away, move the couches, move the beds. But man, if that husband is home, honey, I dropped a hammer. Please pick it up for me. And like, I feel that to my bones. You do a pretty good job of that, yeah. Yeah, I do. I take advantage of the situation. Nonetheless, in a serious response, I, uh, I think there's that dynamic of, within a marriage, Realizing that it's okay to show up as who you authentically are. And that's hard, right? But. Enjoyable to find out and to do it with someone else to learn as we go is also, is also great. Now, this is fun. What is one of the, what is one of the biggest things that I do that annoys you? This is fun. Okay. One of the newest ones that, that has been annoying me that I haven't told you about. Sure, go for it. Do it in front of others so I can't get too irritated. Every single time that you're done with a dish, you set it in the sink. And the dishwasher is literally half a step away from the sink. And then you have to take five minutes at the end of the night when you're ready to lay down and relax and load all those dishes into the sink. When you could have been doing it instead of setting them in the sink, you could just put them in dishwasher. When have you noticed this lately? I mean, I've always kind of noticed it. You said it's a new thing. It's a new thing that's been bothering me. Okay, this is a conversation for an offline moment. Nonetheless, you know what? You don't even have to ask me what the most annoying thing is because I'll just share. Don't even worry about asking. I'm trying to pick one. Okay, I would say the milk cup. Just like randomly leaving milk cups. I'm just done with it yet. Put it away. What is the time frame that milk goes bad? Because whatever that is, that's how long you leave the cup out plus some. It's gross. It's disgusting. Okay. Enough about this. These are fun questions. We could do this all day. These are fun questions. However, as working parents, what is something that as a working dad, you feel as if adds stress and To our marriage. To our marriage? Changing of plans on a whim. Does it add stress to our marriage because it adds stress to me? Mostly. Ouch, please say something to make me feel better. It's generally my fault or work's fault or something of the sort. Did I get stressed out today when you were going to be home an hour later than normal? No, because you were home. So there's variables. You know what? Sometimes it stresses me out because I have to find someone there because I get to be home for the bus every day. Because my job allows that and it is an amazing thing until something happens at work and I can't get home at the time that I usually do. And previously, I would say prior to a year, year and a half ago, you would have called me to fix it. Right. And I have been super impressed that you have really taken the initiative to be like, you know what, Denise, I see on the Google calendar that I have completely changed so that we could both see those types of things rather than a paper calendar. No, I'm not bitter. However, you have taken the initiative to find someone, your mom, my sister, that if you need help, you go help and do it. And that has been such a game changer. I don't remember if we had to have a conversation, if I had to ask, or if you came upon that yourself. It doesn't matter. What does matter? It's like the importance of having Open communication. And listeners, we have not always had that. I think it is unbelievable. That people assume that because I'm a great communicator or I enjoy speaking on stages, that that also means that we're really good at communicating. We are better. But holy cow, did we suck before. It's taken a lot of work. Yeah. And it's where we are. Why do you think that is? Why do you think we weren't that great? I don't know if it came out of insecurities on either one of our parts. Yes. Yes, it did. Okay. I mean, at least for me, it was like, I don't want to share what I am necessarily thinking or wanting or needing because of fear of what? Losing you. You be mad at me. A multitude of things not being secure in who I was and what I stood for. And that was probably more so like five years ago rather than more recent. But, it was there. And I don't think, sometimes we put people up on a pedestal and we think, oh my goodness, they are X, Y, Z. They don't, couldn't imagine that they would struggle with this in their marriage. False. False. What do you wish as a married couple that we made more time for? Date night. That's the only thing I would have said. Why? Why do you think that is? Like, we spend one-on-one time more often than not, but what is it about getting dressed up, going out, being a little fancy and That you think or wish that we made more time for that. I think showing each other intentionality, um, out of our routine is important. As a woman, I would love for you to plan the date. Plan me what I'm wearing. Tell me what time to get ready. All of these things that go in line with decision fatigue, right? I remember one time, and it was years ago, I saw on social media about this man telling his wife that All of those things that I referenced. And I remember thinking, wow, I want that. Listeners, do you think I asked for that? No. I did. I just did. Right? And it's like, why can't we do that without a third party? Or why can't we do that? And maybe some can. It's harder for others, but... I love that date nights was your thing too because that's, that was mine. But then you don't want to burden whoever's watching and that's why I don't mind paying for a babysitter because then it's not a burden. You're helping a young student or whatever that looks like. But, ah. When do you feel the most confident in our marriage? And get real with me. Like, tell me the truth. I think I know the answer, but I want to see if you're going to be really deep and honest. All right, give me the question one more time. When do you feel most confident in our relationship and our marriage? Oh, you, no, do you need more time to think? Do you want me to reflect? Um, another thing that really annoys me about Jeremy, he already knows this, so I won't. The lack of speed. I like to think before I speak and my brain doesn't work as fast as Denise's so. Are you inferring that I don't think before I speak? I said my brain doesn't work as fast as yours. That has been something that even just this past year we've really like. We have. The whole Punta Cana trip? You want to go there? No. No, that's okay. We don't have to do that. Okay. When do you feel most confident in our marriage for the third time? I want to say when we're relaxing together, spending time with each other intentionally, just you and I. Mm-hmm. If there's giggles right now in your mind, it's because his love language is physical touch and that was a very roundabout way of saying when I rub your feet. Sure. Okay, what? Hmm. What makes you feel unsure or distance between the two of us? Again, physical touch. When we're not. When we haven't been able to talk a lot and fill each other in. Yeah. It really, it feels distant. That's interesting because I would have totally thought that you would have said when we don't have sex as often as you would like. I mean, that too, but... I'm, I'm proud of you for going to conversation first. Give me straight up answer. Is that a hundred percent truthful? Like that? Yes. Okay. See, this is fun. I'm learning some things too. Okay. Last thing in regards to marriage, maybe. You know what? Don't hold me to it. We're not going to get into this now, but it will be a great conversation for down the road. How do you think Yeah. Um. There are so many different aspects of your marriage that you would benefit from counseling. Look at those eyes. They got big. Yeah. It really opened up a whole new world as far as being able to communicate to each other, um, our needs, our feelings. In a nice way and being able to validate each other's feelings. Are you saying that sometimes I'm mean? I was, no. I'd never say that. I am. Sometimes I'm mean. But so are you. And so are you. And sometimes I'm really nice. We can both be very direct at times and sometimes we need to curb that. And I think we've been doing a very good job. For those of you who are into knowledge about people and assessments, so disc personality styles, and I'm telling you all of this to better explain our energy or our vibe towards one another, I am an I-S and you are a C-S, right? I don't remember. What? We're just talking. Maybe you're at SC because SCS would be very much into the details. Nonetheless. You keep me more steady and consistent and conscientious and you look at more tasks and data whereas I am more like outgoing and more like Love me. And we work well together in that sense. You're an Enneagram five, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm a three. And we, you haven't done human design yet. Nonetheless, I share all of those things to give you a better understanding as to who we are and why we are Work and at the same time don't work. Like, sometimes we don't work. And previously we didn't talk about it. And now we do. And as working parents, you absolutely have to. Because ask me how I know. And so as we transition to taking off the marriage hat, well, not really taking it off, just adding another hat, I guess, on top as to the working parent dynamic. I've not asked you these questions. And so I'm going to maybe adapt because I might get uncomfortable. But how would you describe a working mom? There's so many different descriptions. Okay, how would you describe me as a working mom? You, no matter whether it's momming or working, throw yourself completely 100% into whatever hat it is that you're wearing at the moment. Um. Just like all of the businesses that you have been a part of or started or run on a daily basis. You are 100% dedicated to 100% of your clients 100% of the time. Okay. Well, that's lovely. I appreciate that. But as soon as you're home. You are 100% dedicated to 100% of us in this house. As much as you possibly can be. I saw your face. I was trying to cut you off earlier because I'm appreciative yet. On to the next one. Oh, okay. But yeah, you're dedicated, um, I think that you, like you said, you could say that about a lot of people. Most working moms, especially. Absolutely. So that was a very hard question. Well done. You get the next one. How's that sound? Good. How did you, before you were married and before you and I met, did you have a vision as to what your life would look like and even what your wife or the parent of your children would look like? Would look like. And when I say look, I don't mean, you know, hair in a top knot glasses because she's blind sports bra on kind of look right now. So awesome of you. Just like descriptions. Um, the only thing I had to go off of was my mom. And there's the next scenario, right? Because that's all I have had as to how to be a mom is based off. Of my mom. And that's hard because you're constantly comparing. Not constantly. That's not the right word. At one point. It's always in the back of your mind. Yeah, it's not necessarily as loud now as it used to be. So, I say that. How would you describe your moth? We laugh. Why do we laugh? Because we love my mom. And it's very It's, it's a very different dynamic what I grew up in than what we're providing for our kids. And the relationship that we have between us and them. So. How would you describe your mom as a mom when she was a parent to you when you were younger in three words? She did it all. Did it all. Did it all. Three words. Okay, that's cool. So is that what you were looking for? Someone to do it all? I think so. How'd that work out for you? Really changing my outlook. How so? Because I realized that that's just not healthy. It's a very respectful way to put it because I didn't know how you were going to go there and yet You've stepped up. And when, and when I say she did it all, or you say that, He means all of the house stuff, right? All of the laundry, the dishes, the food prep, the kids running here and there, all of that stuff, which is a really traditional for the way in which we were raised by our parents. My mom The exact same. The exact same. And both of our parents have a healthy relationship and marriage and with us. It's been beautiful. And yet I knew that I was going to need someone as a partner to help with everything. And I don't think I necessarily knew why at the time, but I have achievements that I wanted to do and that selfishness that maybe comes from that from time to time. You make it not feel as harsh on myself because you step up in those areas. But that's a dynamic of like, hey, I was looking for a woman that was honestly the only version of a mom that I've ever had. That's What I'm gonna look for. And then, hi, my name's Denise, walks up and shakes her hand over a math tattoo. And you're like, um, I don't know if this girl is gonna, I don't know if this is gonna be how my mom is. And that's okay. Absolutely. It's been amazing for us. Percent amazing out of a hundred. I mean, I think we're high 90s. Okay. I was just, I was just gauging. We may not have always been there. It took a lot of work. It took a lot of external help. Yeah. So as you view working moms, whether it's me, our family, our friends, what would you say are some of the heaviest or the hardest things that you observe when Oh, man. I would have to say, with you especially, um, Trying to find that perfect line between working and momming and being okay with the one that you choose at the time. That was very wise. Do you have any advice as to how to be okay with choosing the one that we do at the time? You are where your heart is at the moment. And if, if your heart is heaviest on work and you know that You know that you're going to be a lot better version as a mom after you finish that last sentence on one email that you have to send out. Then so be it. Just know. Just know that your priority is, is right. I think I just fell in love with you some more. Can you remind me of that from time to time? Like, you said be where your heart is. I kind of go, like, be where my feet are. Like, I like yours better. Don't tell anybody I said that, but I like that. I like that. You can use it. It's not proprietary. What's, what's yours is mine and what's mine is ours. Yeah. What'd she say? Okay, that's good. That's good. I would agree with you in saying that I do feel that pretty heavy, but honestly you giving permission for that to be okay is very helpful. Because, ladies, we all know we're not going to ask for the permission. Hey, can you tell me that that's okay? Because one, then it feels like it's not okay. And two, I don't want to have to ask. Ooh, what is something that you wish I would ask for? If you say help, I'm gonna smack you. Oh, I was totally, it was on the tip of my tongue. Help when you need it. When do you think I need help? Mostly when you don't ask for it. What do I look or act like when I'm not asking for help and yet I need it? Huffy. Huffy? Mm-hmm. Yuck. That's it. Good job. Huffy made me think of the brand of bike that I got when I was twelve years old and it was purple and blue and it had Huffy written on the side. It had streamers on the handlebars too? No, it had a basket. Oh, okay. Come on. I would put my duck in there. I don't even think I had a basket. I was just making that up. Okay, how do you feel as if as a man, as a husband, and as a dad, you think it's important to show appreciation for working moms? How do you do it? How do you show us appreciation? I do it by doing my best to make sure that the house is clean. And that everything that I can get done for you that does not add something to your plate when you get home so that you can be intentional with the kids when you get home. Ladies, at this point, I know I am swooning. If that is you, Hold, slow your roll because this is new. This is, this has not been, I mean, this is the norm now. It is. The past two years, that. One, I remember one comment when you made after this epiphany, if you will, in counseling, you had said, I didn't realize how much I was putting on you by simply sitting down. In the recliner when there were still things to be done. It was, it was heavy at the moment. Because instantly I'm like, how could you not know? The emotional weight that working moms carry is unbelievable. And we have tried to talk about that. But it's hard. It's different. I honestly find myself sometimes testing it with Hudson. Like, hey, what are you thinking about right now? Nothing. Well, find something to think about. Find something to think about. Guys aren't wired that way. He can literally think about nothing. And we can do it often. So I do, I do find it interesting that when you feel as if you want to show appreciation for the You do it through acts of service. I do think a lot of things are based around love languages. When you know that, first of all, I love love. I will take love in any form. So if you want to give it to me, you know it's not going to be wrong. Yet, do you feel as if you feel love from me most, after physical touch is off the table, from acts of service? Like, by doing things, is that why you choose to do it? Because I almost would think for me, I would... Prefer, if I had a choice, don't take them all away. Words of affirmation, I think. Yeah, I agree. My thought process behind it is to make sure that you have the room to focus on the kids when you get home because you have a More limited time with them since I, I get them straight off the bus. And I get a couple hours with them before you make it home. I want to make sure that you have that time with them as well. Do you sometimes forget that I get the mornings with them? Like, hearing you say that, it's like, I appreciate that very much. And yet, I get to two hours in the morning. That's true. So, as much as I'm not telling you that to stop doing what you're doing, I think sometimes it's You know, out of sight, out of mind. And so, yes, you, you do that and you are so gracious and thankful for all of the time that you get them right off the bus because that used to be me, guys. That used to be me in the morning and at night. And it was a lot to try and do what I wanted to do. And so we had to have a conversation at that point in time. But no, I get the mornings and I'm Albeit the days that you might be home and we still have things going on and you see them out of routine and they're not as structured and they're not as like, okay, now we do this. And they're a little bit crazier. You might assume that every morning is like that. Dude, I've got that morning stuff down to a science. We are able to read. We do our Bible verse in the morning. We... Sing kumbaya. No, I'm just kidding. But seriously, I mean, don't put too much pressure on yourself in thinking she doesn't get any of this because I totally do. The warm snuggles in the morning that I don't have to share with you are my absolute favorite. Yeah, see, I'm not thinking snuggle time at all. It's like straight playtime since we're home from school. So, Nat, I don't know if that's more important to me. Well, have we not talked about this? I've shared this with coaching clients. Um, kids bond with their moms when you cuddle more so. Kids bond with the dad when you wrestle and play. So you're doing it right. I know. Again, don't tell anybody I told you that. Okay, before we play the shoe game, what is your favorite version of meat? In the instance of like for specific examples, when you see me come most alive, when you see me as my most confident or most as myself. What am I doing? Who am I with? What are we doing? Like, what does that look like? What's your favorite version of me? My favorite version of you is family vacations. I freaking love Family Vacation, Denise. Yeah. Why? Why do you love that version? Because it almost feels like you give yourself permission to de-stress and just be yourself and be in the moment and enjoy. Soaking up the time with us. Why do you think I can't do that more often? Sometimes I feel like turning off Turning off work for you while you're at home is, I mean, you can blur it out, but I don't think, I don't think you can completely shut it down while you're here. You think the kids feel that? I don't think so. So we take maybe one vacation a year. Do you feel like I'm not fun? We take more than one vacation a year. You understand what I'm saying, though? Yes, I think you're fun. So then what am I like when you're saying that you don't feel as if I can completely turn off work at home? What do you notice about me? Am I more tense? Am I not as Lucy-goosey? Like, what does that look like? Like I said, you give yourself that permission when we're on vacation. I don't think you give yourself that permission at home. Should I though? I mean, kids, they thrive in routine and structure. Is that what you're thinking? Apparently what I'm thinking. Is what you're thinking. No, I don't think it has anything to do with the structure or the routine. Um, I think it's more... I think it's more about all, all the processes that are going on in your head while you're home. That you are preparing for or that you're putting together. I don't know what all goes on in your head. Um. But a lot of great things. And I don't think you give yourself that permission to shut that completely down. Hmm. Yeah, it's valid. I've talked in therapy about how I really like tipsy me like after I've had two or three drinks. You want a Shirley Temple? You bet. You want five cherries in that? Go for it. Whereas me right now, five cherries? You're gonna pee the bed. Right? Like, I think that's sometimes why I think I'm not fun. It's because of that right there. Brain works too well. Okay, stop it. So vacation me. Hmm. I'm going to issue you a challenge, Jeremy. Help me Learn and hold me accountable for Being vacation me is not attainable at all the points. Because that's also when I don't have to cook or I don't have to do X, Y, Z. And so I'm able to Turn those things off because they literally don't have to be done. And help me check me sometimes. Like, hey. Are you, you're being sassy? Are you mad about something because of work? Are you upset about something because of me? Like, don't be, don't be afraid to ask that question. I'm not afraid to ask that question. Okay. Well, that's an interesting perspective. Is there anything that you want to ask me? I assumed not, but I just want to let you have the floor if you would like it. Thank you, dear. What has been your favorite podcast interview so far? Not this one. Uh, what? I knew you were going to say that. Yeah. The mental health Kate Kripke episode. That has been something that has really set with me. And ironically. Screw you. Ironically, it's because it was focused on bringing more peace into work and home. Because of what you've said, I feel it. I just didn't know that anybody else saw it. And getting to a state where both can live in harmony. And also, like, why we do it. And that it's okay. And that it doesn't have to continue anymore. As I bob my head on our YouTube channel. Yeah, you can go ahead and keep rubbing my back. Thank you. Good question, especially on the spot. Okay, uh, a few more. Man, time is flying. What do you think the definition of dad guilt is? I don't even know if it's a thing, but like, what does dad guilt mean to you? I mean, the first thing that comes to mind is missing something that your kid wants you there for. Okay. Have you missed something that your kids have wanted you there for? Not that I can think of. Sydney really would like you to go to a field trip at some point. I've been to one last year. Half of one. She's very excited about dad and the picnic thing. Well, I'll be there. And I'm not pointing it out in the sense of, like, you haven't missed anything because you haven't. Like, literally, that's the only thing. And the reason I'm bringing it up is because on the drive home today, she's like, hey, does dad have the picnic in his calendar? And I was like, in his calendar, yeah. In your calendar. Hours. Okay, that's good. Please know I wasn't talking to you. I know. Okay. Um, so how do you think you show up best as a partner for me? I even you out. In what ways? You're not wrong, but in what ways? When you're up here and I'm down here, somehow it brings you right to the perfect level. Perfection does not exist, but okay. But in public... You're specifically talking about? Because sometimes I feel like I'm down here sometimes. Well, yeah. And you kind of bring me up. Anytime, pretty much. Okay. Where do you want to improve? In my public speaking. Why'd you roll your eyes? I'm just kidding. You could, you could improve. I don't need to improve because I don't plan on public speaking. Public speaking is key whether you're speaking in front of two people, in front of one person, in front of a hundred. Public speaking is key. I just don't have the patience to teach you, I think. Okay, in my conversations and my intentionality with meeting new people, um. You've gotten so much better at that, though. I have. And it pains me every time. Really? But we're getting there. I don't think that people could feel that. I'm a true introvert. Which is weird because in high school and in college and in your even early 20s, looking back now, the way that you acted was a total deflection. 100%. Because people, I mean, you were homecoming king, you were life of the party, you wanted everybody to like you, and then when we got to that point, you were like, I just didn't have any friends, so I just bopped around, is what you had said, and I was like, oh my gosh. Not looking at it like that. Okay, last question. Have you ever felt like you weren't good enough in a certain area of your life? We talk about that as women as sometimes we don't feel as if You know, when we're showing up at work that we're a good enough mom and sometimes as mom we don't necessarily feel like we're a good enough employee or owner or whatever that looks like. What about for you? Have you ever felt that? Or does it look different? I, yeah, I have felt insufficient. I'm proud of you for saying that. Half of my coaching clients one-on-one are men and all of them have said that to a certain degree of they didn't necessarily say insufficient. I think of like insufficient funds when you go to pay for something. There's not There's not enough there. Jeremy, you didn't submit your paycheck again. Again, sorry for another time. That was a long time ago. Uh, yeah. Back when I wasn't Doing enough in our marriage and it was, it was a serious eye-opener when we finally were able to talk down, talk with a mediator. On a divorce mediator. A counselor. Yes. Someone who mediated our conversation. Yeah. Okay. It just sounded weird. Sorry. Okay. Okay. We gotta wrap this up because I'm tired and it's time for bed and this is fun and I want to get to the shoe game that we never got to do on our wedding night. Alright, let's do it. I would literally... I still put that dress on every year. Freaking loved our wedding. Okay. Shoe game concept kind of because we're not necessarily if you're not watching this on YouTube, then you can't see this. But nonetheless, what is one chore that you know I hate, but I do it anyway? Dishes. Okay. No. What? I hate ironing. You don't do it. Exactly. That's because I hate it. You don't do it anyway. So it doesn't, it's not a valid answer. I steam and I don't hate that. We've talked about that because you were like, give me this. I will iron. And then I saw you get the ironing board out that is eighty-five years old. And I said, I'm getting rid of that thing. Okay, what's the, hold on, what's the chore, I'm gonna deflect, what's the chore that you secretly hate doing, but you do it anyway? Wondery? Whatever. And dishes. What? But they contribute to the overall health of the home. That wasn't the question. Okay, the next question. If I had a whole day to myself with no responsibilities, what do you think I would actually do? Apparently go on vacation. You would either read an entire book. Or have a spa day. Spa day. Okay, what type of book? Smut. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Can you think of a time when you saw me totally crushing it at home or work but didn't say anything in the moment? No, I don't know. Okay. I don't know why that silence made me want to share a tip and it's not appropriate, but we're going to talk about it anyway. Um, because this is, I instantly went to when I'm not totally crushing it. And there for a while earlier in our marriage, when the kids were super young, um, Um, we were not having- Intimate intimacy as much as was probably healthy for our marriage. And so at that point in time, we instituted sexy Sundays. And I remember sometimes sharing that with my masterminds. They're like, what are you talking about? And I said, emotionally, I knew that every Sunday was sexy Sunday. And I remember when I told my therapist that when I had postpartum after Hudson, she goes, I'm Planned sex and then you called a name after it? And I said, yes, it's called Sexy Sunday. And I was like so taken aback that she was not proud of me. She goes, what might it look like to do that on a Thursday? And I remember the visceral reaction I had to that and thinking, oh my gosh, like, I'm like, I have to put that, that's not, there's nothing fun. There's not a fun name I can call that off the top of my head. Doesn't rhyme with Thursday. Yeah, thirsty Thursday meant something different than that. So nonetheless, I just came to, isn't it funny like you went to totally crushing it and why do you think it was hard for you to come up with an answer so that you don't look bad right now? Get there faster. No, not so I don't look bad, but I was trying to come up with something that I didn't take it for. Yeah, that's exactly right. That's what I'm saying. It looks like you couldn't find something in that hot moment of like, oh my gosh, I can't find something. Because you've done such a good job of telling me that now. Well, thank you. Yeah, whatever. Okay. What is my go-to signal that I am stressed or overwhelmed? You come to me for a hug. Or the huffiness that you referenced earlier. Oh, that's a good one too. Who is more likely to forget something school related? Me. Like pajama day or picture day or early dismissal. When I am feeling stretched thin, what is the best way to support me? Is it words, actions, space, or snacks? It depends on the certain situation. Any of those could be applicable. The hard part is figuring out which one it is for which situation. Yeah, good answer. Good answer. This one's fun. Which child, Sydney or Hudson, is most like me? Sydney. How? How? How? She is 100% you. She loves everyone. She says hello to everyone. She has no problem speaking in public at all. Her eyes get a little watery, she says. See, I don't know. I feel like Hudson has a lot of similarities, too. You want to talk about speaking in public. Do you not remember what he said two years ago at that pageant? I mean, he's little Mr. Unity. He's very outgoing. That's cute. No. Cute and little shit are different. Which one? I mean, I think that they are both a good mix of both of us. They do both have some amazing qualities of you. And you. How would you say, what's a quality that Sydney has of you? She has my hair. Come on. Yes, that's true. The curly, the curliness. What else? She has my eyebrows. Ooh, what do you mean? Oh, the expressive eyebrows. She's very expressive with her eyebrows. Yes. Do the one eyebrow up thing. Yeah, she can do that. I cannot do that. Maybe if I get Botox one day, I'll be able to do that. In one eye. Okay, what, what about Hudson? Is it similar to you? Uh, he's clumsy as we get out. Uh, the dude's accident prone just like I am. He's already chipped his front teeth, same as mine. Um, he's funny. Mm-hmm. How would you say he's like, mm? In his love. He loves everybody. His hugs are amazing. Um... He's persistent. He's very persistent. I sometimes go, I push, push, push, push. And sometimes I see in him when I wished I would have said no. He has no problem saying no. I think we're doing a good job. I didn't say that. Okay. What is something that we have figured out in our relationship that you think more couples, especially working parents, need to hear? That you're doing a great job. Do you need to hear that? You're doing a great job, bud. We hear that. Good job. From each other. I don't feel like I've told you that. And from other people who enjoy our kids as much as we do. Yeah, but kids are always better for others than they are for their parents. They're pretty good for us, too. How do you plan to hold me, maybe what do you plan to hold me accountable for after our time together today, tonight, whatever this is? Busting out vacation, Denise. But I don't want to drink alcohol. We don't drink alcohol on family vacation. Okay, that's valid. I just feel like sometimes I I didn't say tipsy, Denise. Okay, thank you. Vacation, Denise. I am fun on vacation. I'm especially fun when it's already prepaid. Truth. Okay, that's a good one. What do you want me to hold you accountable for? Hmm. Making sure that I give you plenty of words of affirmation because I don't feel like I am as good at that as I should be. Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate you wanting me to hold you accountable to it. It's really hard to do, isn't it? Well, that's because then it's like me asking for it. Hey, don't forget to say something nice to me today. Oh, you look pretty. Oh, hey, thanks. Now I feel pretty. That's not how that works. I know. Okay. Nonetheless, this was fun. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We'll go deeper down the road into other more intimate things. But for now, this was a great starting point. And I so appreciate how you shared your thoughts. Real life examples and your thoughts and the pausing didn't annoy me quite as much as I thought it would. That's good. We're making progress. If you feel as if this would be a great conversation starter for you and your partner, feel free to share this episode of the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. It would be our greatest pleasure to get to send this and help you start a conversation that maybe you also have been putting off. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for wanting to learn about other people's relationships to see how maybe you can better yours or yours isn't as bad as you maybe thought it was. With that. Remember, you can do hard things. Thank you for listening to the Working Moms Redefined podcast. It is not lost on me that you chose to spend time together. Thank you. Let's connect outside of the space on socials. We'd love for you to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest. We've got it all to connect with you. If you feel as if someone in your life could be impacted by this message, feel free to share it. That is the biggest compliment. As we part ways together, remember, you can do hard things. I feel like you should kiss me. Just get, just give me. Good job. This is me. I'm projecting. Rock, paper, scissors to see who has to go there. Yes. Go. Are you ready for this? Question is, are you ready for this?
