Untitled - May 19, 2025
00:00:00 Unknown: Hi, I'm Denise, host of the Working Moms Redefined podcast. Let's join together as we lessen the hold of mom guilt in our lives, thrive in our careers, and raise great kids. You are doing enough. Let us boost your confidence today on this episode of the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. You are showing up for you yet again. Hi, this is Denise and you are listening to the next episode of the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. Lately, we have been really focusing and leaning in on the power of connection. And if you are like me, Type A, high achiever, wanting to make sure that you click off everything on that to-do list, we've established you are not alone. Thank you for being here. Within my Business one-on-one coaching sessions, we have discussed that oftentimes women do not show up, and dare I say men, at work as successfully as they would like. If we are not happy and content at home. In last week's episode with Kate Kripke, she talks about the power of connection and keeping our central nervous system connected. At a steadier pace and that sometimes we focus too much on the achieving of X, Y, Z at home when really that doesn't even apply or work. Hand-raising right now for everything that I needed to hear. And yet, I found myself still wanting to check a box to prove to myself that That I'm doing a good job at home. And it was like, why can't I know? Why is that innate feeling not in me to know these kids are happy and healthy? I'm doing a good enough job. And so many women today are feeling the exact same. And of course, again, I go back to high achiever, cross off the list type of person. I had to do some research because I was like, I know I'm not the only person and how can I help? I did some research in trying to really want to break the cycle or the loop of guilt that so many of us feel. Whether that's from disconnection, whether that's from... Feeling like you're always in a hurry and that hustle mentality that you are afraid maybe you're projecting or making your kids want that in their lives. And you're like, no, you don't want that. Or if it's the voice in your head that's telling you, You're not doing enough. You're not doing it right. You're not doing, you're not safe. You're not okay. Whatever that looks like, how can we change it? We know the power of self-talk. We've talked about that in episodes and I know that there's science behind it. I did some digging. We'll talk about what I found later. And yet, I really want to pour into you in the sense of You know when you're heading out the door and if you're watching on YouTube, you're finding me closing my eyes because I am putting myself in that picture In our own home. I do it too. When you are trying to get out the door and you might be loudly... Um, shouting, screaming, yelling, but of course you don't do any of those things, so you're loudly telling them, get your shoes on, don't forget your book bags, um, Put the sunscreen on. Make sure you remember your coat. All of these last minute things and you're rushing. We know that rushing now in a child's life makes them think that that's normal later. The stress of our days then gets put on them. We know that. And yet when I look at the clock and I'm like, oh, I have five minutes. That's enough time. False. I get proven wrong more oftentimes than not. It's okay. But I don't feel the connection that I want to feel. I don't feel in those moments as much as I would like the pause in the really traditional setting that used to be what was painted as a picture in families. There's an emotional difference that is not portrayed and that sometimes I often feel guilt around. We know that we are with our kids, but I don't always feel as if I am there where my feet are. I want to be where my feet are planted. And if I'm not, if I'm not there when the kids get off the bus, if I'm not there because I have a night meeting, it gets in my head. You're thinking, yes, Denise, I can totally relate to that. When I had coaching client after coaching client say this to me, I did the research, and we want kids to remember how they feel around us. We focus on finding a word of the year. How do we want people to feel once they leave us? And oftentimes we apply that to adults or those in the workplace. How do we want our kids to feel when they leave us? Do we want them to feel stressed? Do we want them to feel anxious and rushed? Well, Of course they do. If those are the last moments that we have when we part ways, why wouldn't we feel that? Why wouldn't we? And as parents, we know the importance of connecting with our children emotionally. And then I often get asked, how? How do we do that? Well, you're spending time with your kids, but are you intentional with them? Yes, you're driving them to games. Yes, you're taking them to activities. Are you really intentional with your car time? Are you intentional with those minutes before bed or those minutes that you're rushing out the door? It's okay if you're saying no, you're You're not alone in that, but how can we make it more impactful? How can we make a difference and help them feel like we are choosing them amongst the chaos? I know you are. Really, everything that you do is for your kids. You're working to provide a better life for them. You're working to show them what success looks like. You're working or you've created this business and To fit their lives and their schedules. And I wouldn't want it any other way. And I hold myself to an expectation that is very high. I don't love that about myself. And focusing on presence over perfection is It's something I want to work on. Especially in those rushed moments. Especially in the shortened time frame. And as I did some digging, I learned that there are nine minutes that are Key. Key in a kid's life. In a kid's day. In a kid's week. And as I dug into this concept, I had to share it with my coaching clients. I'm like, did you hear about this? That kids really need nine specific minutes each day at designated times that naturally lead to To connection. It's moments where maybe previously you hurried or you rushed or you relaxed and I'm not saying to not do that, but once we are aware of if we focus on nine minutes, our kids will feel loved more and that will change the trajectory of their life, sign me up, right? Three short minutes in specific windows each day can open up a child's emotional world. And we all know that kids could always identify how they're feeling with us a little bit better. You're frustrated. You're angry. You're sad. You're happy. You're joyful. Talk with me. Well, if we haven't put into practice the talking with them, how would they be able to do so in moments of stress and anxiety? The answer is they're not going to be able to. I know that I sometimes put unrealistic expectations on our children. I expect them to operate and think at a high level as an adult. If I can't get Hudson to tie his shoes correctly each time, what makes you think that I can do that? Plus, do you hear this eye? This eye-focused verbiage. I can do this. I can do this. I can do that. Ugh. Nobody wants that. And that's not how I think. And yet in this moment, and sometimes when I really get hard on myself, it's what am I not doing enough of? What could I be doing more? And I think we just need to simplify it. How can I connect? How can I connect? How can I be intentional? How can we replace the I with we? I love that. Something I read really resonated with me in the concept of you give yourself a lot to others throughout your day, whether that's at work or with clients. And sometimes when we come home, myself included, I am done. I am done being able to strategically think about how to ask questions to get the kids to answer, to share about their day. I am tapped out on my ability to not correct and to not tell someone what I really genuinely want. Which that sounds bad, but just to say it rather than coach them to get to their point, there's a dynamic there that is difficult. Go put your shoes away instead of, hey, do we leave our shoes by the door? And take them to own it. That's the difference that I'm referring to. And when I realized that, when I heard, why are we giving ourselves to others so much more when really the most important people are those in our home and they oftentimes get the very bottom of our cup. Why are we okay with that? Well, I would challenge you to say, like, I'm not okay with it. I just didn't necessarily realize it. I didn't notice that I was doing this. And maybe that's for you, too. Maybe we need to admit to ourselves that I want to be where my feet are more so. And the research shows that if we do this with nine specific minutes, We connect better. We connect better. Who doesn't want that? When I realized that if I focused on these small moments throughout the day, it helped them be better kids. It helped me feel as if I was doing a good enough job. And we all went to bed with a, you know, pretty little bow tied on our day. Okay, that might be a stretch. Not everybody gets to do one-on-one coaching. As much as we would love accountability and accountability partners, coaching is, it's got a high dollar amount. We only have so much time in the day. You might not be close. Here and I love to do in-person coaching. And so with my heart and that desire to share not only what I had learned, but to share my own personal experiences about how it really impacted and helped bedtime go smoother and how the days were greeted with hugs and kisses rather than Have you done your medicine? Have you done X, Y, Z, right? And we really greet the day with our intentionality versus those things that we know need to get done. Our kids feel better about themselves, and I know, I know that's what you want. So, I want to I wanted to help. And I know so many of you, when you think about your intent of your career, it's really, what do you love most? Well, I love this type of work. Great. But why do you love that work? More oftentimes than not, the answer is... Because I love helping people. That's how I feel about you. And I have created this short masterclass for all of you. It's called Nine Minutes a Day for a Lifetime of Connection. And we focus, we identify those nine moments. We focus on how to ask questions. There are questions that you can ask that I give to you because that's my next question is once Women and parents realize the power behind nine minutes. First of all, they think to themselves, If I focus on nine minutes each day, they're going to feel like I love them more. They're going to feel like I care for them more. The answer to that is yes. And You're gonna feel like you're doing a good enough job. It's a win-win in my book, and I know it's in yours too. Within this masterclass, we go over the time of day. We go over that... The questions, because that's the next question. That's what I was getting to. That's the next question I get asked is, okay, what are the nine minutes? Where do I place them in my day? And which questions do I ask? A therapist once told me that the best person to help your child is not a therapist. It is not me, a coach. It is not their friends. It is their parent. And so I would put it back on you for one moment and say you know your child better than anyone in this entire world. What is their love language or what do they love doing and center questions around that. Or you can take this masterclass and I will give you cheat sheets with questions on them. Because even for me sometimes, I just tape this... Question sheet in the inside of my mirror. And when Sydney and Hudson come in in the morning and they are not fully awake, I always greet them. Always greet them with, it's so wonderful to start my day with you. To make them feel as if, wow, I'm awesome. And they are. And yet sometimes the words, you're awesome, go in one ear, out the other. Maybe all of our words. But I'd like to try and think that if we ask them questions and let them take ownership, And build honestly their own confidence in themselves. It's going to mean more. It's going to hold more. It's going to help them feel so powerful. So within this masterclass, you get a cheat sheet of questions. You get some things and activities to do to connect with them. And it's because Why not? I truly believe that if you know information that could benefit someone else, share it. Share it. If you know people that could benefit others, share it. Working Moms Redefined podcast is the perfect example of that, and this is the next step. This nine minutes a day for a Lifetime Connection master course is thirty minutes long. And it's $9. It's $9.99. See what I did there? Nine minutes, $9.99. You're going to get value that is beyond that. Five freebie sheets that you can print off or save on your phone to reference. You can learn the moments of the day. You can learn why you're feeling disconnected and then do something about it. You are that person who wants to be able to know that they're doing a good enough job. And if you focus on these nine minutes, I promise you, you will feel better. How can I promise you something like that? Because I did it. I did this when I focused on nine minutes a day. These children blossom even more so. They looked forward to the question I was going to ask them before bed. They looked forward to seeing what I was going to say in the mornings. And don't we want to look forward to our days versus dragging our feet to get out of bed, breathing heavy about what we have to do that day and really look at our lives as something that we get to do. We get to connect with our kids. We get to really impact them for a lifetime. And I don't know if we all know how. And who's to say if we're doing it right? That I cannot answer for you. But I go back to that statement that the therapist said, you know your child better than anybody else. And you know you better than anyone else. So many of you reached out after the episode where we talked about accountability and how you really love this and you don't necessarily hold yourself accountable. This is that. I'm holding you accountable to up-level you. Because when we invest you into ourselves, we show up better for our children. And that is the best type of investment. If you are ready to take the next step and join me in this masterclass, the links are in the show notes. You can attend the next webinar. It's online. And if you are not able to attend one of the timings of this training, don't worry. I will send it to you. You get the replay. Because I have knowledge and information to share that I know will help you. I want, I want you to have it. Here's the cool thing. You have information to share with this world too. And I believe that you can share this with your children and they will impact us in ways that we don't even know possible. When you choose to invest in yourself today through This masterclass, not only would I love to spend time with you, but your kids, they'll feel this impact. They will feel this impact. Thank you for showing up each and every week for the Working Moms Redefined podcast. It is a joy to get to spend time with all of you. Be sure and click the link in the show notes and learn how nine minutes a day will establish a lifetime of connection. For you and your family, you're doing the hard things. This is the next hard thing. We've got this. Thank you for listening to the Working Moms Redefined podcast. It is not lost on me that you chose to spend time together. Thank you. Let's connect outside of the space on socials. We'd love for you to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest. We've got it all to connect with you. If you feel as if someone in your life could be impacted by this message, feel free to share it. That is the biggest compliment. As we part ways together, remember, you can do hard things.
