Untitled - April 24, 2025
00:00:00 Unknown: Hi, I'm Denise, host of the Working Moms Redefined podcast. Let's join together as we lessen the hold of mom guilt in our lives, thrive in our careers, and raise great kids. You are doing enough. Let us boost your confidence today on this episode of the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. Welcome to another episode of the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. Today's episode is... It's going to be so impactful that I'm not quite sure that we truly know yet what it's going to do, not only for our own personal health, but also our couples and our partners. And when I tell you all of that, you're like, Denise, how does that How does that apply to working moms or to working parents, right? Well, when you think about sexual wellness and sexual health, it is a large part of any dynamic. I mean, let's be honest. You became a parent for a reason. That had to happen in a certain way. And what is continuing to happen that is inside the realm of sexual wellness. And we're going to talk today not only about sexual health and maybe breaking down what you describe or think to be defined as that, yet also Giving you credit for where you are in this season of life and truly realizing that sexual health is more than what we might think of the actual act of sex. And when I was prepping for today's interview with the beautiful Leah Hemming, I saw this. I was like, oh, she's so right. There is more to this than the act in which we are so traditionally raised to believe. And with that, I introduce you that if you are on our YouTube channel, you see this beautiful curly headed woman her name is leah hemming and leah is a nurse practitioner with a certification in sexual health counseling and yes That is a job and a successful one at that. She has a passion for really normalizing communication around sexual health, be it good, and maybe some concerns, right? Better yet, she's been married for nine years to her husband Craig. They have five children and four grandchildren. Focuses on those who... Are ready to hear it. Are needing and ready for help. And this is one way that she's able to serve all of you is by sharing what she does and how she helps in a way that makes you want more, right? You want to learn more. At least I know I do. Once I started looking through this, I'm like... This could benefit everyone. And what you do is truly help those who might have a low sexual desire, might have painful intercourse, that Let's be honest, we're kind of, sometimes as women, scared to talk about or intimidated to do so and I truly believe that you break down that relationship and make it a casual conversation and realizing that it benefits All of our emotional well-beings. And so with that, I am excited. This is Leah. Leah, thank you for being here. We so appreciate you. Of course. Thank you for asking me. What a fun opportunity. I love to be around happy people. So thank you for having me and congratulations on this podcast. How exciting. I am a podcast nerd to the nth degree. I love podcasts. I listen to podcasts. Every day on my way to work, I follow a nurse practitioner one about rare diseases. I follow one about longevity. I follow all kinds of podcasts. So thank you. It's an honor. And it is a pleasure for you to take time to spend with us to help educate people because this is not female specific as much as we like to think that The women, at least let me rephrase that. As much as I like to think that I control what happens in the bedroom, it has an impact both ways. But first, let's, before we get to that, I want to really know where does your passion come from to help Women and men for relationships and their well-being come from. Well, um, that's a great question. I think it comes from, um, probably my own experience. Like, you know, I think just, just today I was thinking, you know, we learn, we get formal education on how to drive a car. And like, in the entire world, there's not a lot of people that drive cars, yet we have formal education for it. And so... But what we don't have formal education for is sexual health. You know, we take a class maybe, um, or have a talk one time with our parents or whoever, uh, And that's it. Um, but you know, knowledge is power and knowledge is power and not feeling alone. Knowledge is power in knowing that you have other options. Knowledge is power. I mean, it's endless. It's endless. Knowledge is fluid. And that you are willing to keep pushing because you have a huge background in so many different areas. But sexuality and the human body has been something that has been fascinating for you. And let's be honest. All of us. Are interested in this topic, yet we probably don't talk about it. When you referenced back to, we were probably taught this at one point in time, I can think of what health class was like in high school. There was no learning going on. It was awkwardness and weird and it was now like a principal and my PE teacher teaching that and then it's like I have to look at him the next day. It was A weird dynamic. And so let's be honest, probably some of us just shut that out. And how did we learn? Who's to say? Probably not the safest and healthiest way. So why would you say that it is so important and on your heart to help educate people throughout your practice? Well, um, and you brought up a very good point, too. It's based on my experiences and what I feel like, um, is an underserved area. So yes, when I was in fifth grade or sixth grade or however old, and you know, and they took the boys separate, then the girls separate, and they- Gave us a talk that was very foreign, very foreign to most of us or then we find out some kids are like hee hee hee hee hee and you're like okay why Why am I not he, he, he, and you know what I mean? So, and I'm, you know, as an adult, I'm thinking, why was that such a foreign concept to me? Um, like, You know, my, my parents or other parents can, you know, you can hear little tits and pits about, oh, you know, this happened when I was a child or that or whatever, but um, like, Why specifically that topic where we separated, um, a by gender and was it a lot of whispering and things like that? And so that's what I would like to kind of bring awareness to, not necessarily, uh, You know, just how to talk to your children about it or, or how to talk to certain demographics about it, but just the fact that it's okay to talk about it, like break down some stigmas. It's okay to talk about it. It's okay to tell someone, I don't know. You know, it's okay to, to think, is this abnormal? Um, you know, and, and just bring awareness about it and, and to do that in a safe way, a way that is, you know, You don't feel threatened. You don't feel abnormal. You don't feel anything other than ready to receive information of here's some other options. Here's some evidence-based studies. Here's some results of some surveys. So yeah, it's, it's. It's to do that. It's to kind of get away from the stigma of, um, calling it private parts, of calling it your hoo-bah or your And calling it what it is. So when you call it what it is, you normalize talking about it. But that it's, I mean, it starts from generations and generations and generations ago. Like, You know, like, my grandparents didn't even talk about pregnancy. Like, you cannot talk about pregnancy. Even though you've got a big giant belly and somebody's moving inside of you, you cannot talk about it. So, I mean, you know, and it's kind of stepping back. Meeting people and realizing that, no, it's not just me that's questioning why we don't talk about this. Um, but it's, it's me that thought, why can't I talk about it? Why can't I study it? Why can't I learn about it? Um. It's something that, you know, without sexual health, I mean, without the act of sex, it's a basic human need, not just penetrative sex, but sex in general. Without it, Uh, mammals stop producing, you know, amphibians, I mean, like, anything that has sexual reproduction, that Whole entity stops. So, um, yeah, it's just to bring awareness to it. And there's, there's actually a lot of research done in sexual medicine that That you don't necessarily hear about. You hear about new research in cardiovascular health and new research in asthma and autoimmune disorder. Um, but we, you know, we're, we're not a little... Subset of health like we're we're big, you know, is which we've got a lot of large community based education forums where we do a lot of really good research. And get things approved and get studies approved and move that on and into practicing medicine. This is mind boggling and I have so many questions already. Let's set the stage before we get to those questions is can you actually tell me what the term sexual health and wellness really means and covers? Sexual health is, is really from the hair on your head to the toenails on your toes. It is, it's very subjective to the person. It's as unique as your fingerprint. So what I consider to be sexual medicine Is specific to Leah. What Denise considers it is specific to her. Some people, um, think that sexual health is one body part going inside of another body part. And, um, That may be all that that term means to them. To me, sexual health means my happiness, my exposure to sunlight, um, my, um, laughing with friends, um, In my world, sex is fluid. Sex is kind of everything that a human does. Um, whether it is a smile to a stranger, um, it, it doesn't have to be necessarily something that's intimate. It's whatever it means to you. It's, it's sharing a connection mostly with yourself and then deciding if you want to share that with someone else. You have me pondering the question so what is sexual health to me? As I'm sure so many listeners are and I think back to what I was Taught by my parents, honestly, because that's the only perception. And then you go out on your own and you try to figure it out. And when the way in which you describe it, it's almost giving me and I'm sure several of our listeners permission for it to not only be. Sexual intercourse. You not too long ago shared something on your social media page that talked about, you know, maybe intimacy isn't taking your clothes off. Maybe intimacy is taking off your I'm fine. Wow. That hit. Because... How many times, we all know what fine really means, how many times do we say, I'm fine, I want to talk about it, I'm fine, when really that is a level of a connection that kind of goes along with your definition of sexual health is when you show up as who you uniquely are. You're able to connect in ways that, yes, I love the example of the sunshine. Yeah, I'm able to feel really great about who I am and what my body feels like. And of course, that has a sexual health and wellness undertone. I'm not quite sure as I'm jotting down what is sexual health to Denise my answer in that. So I will get back to you. But I think it's going to be different than what it was prior to our conversation. Sure. So cool. When you jumped right in, and I loved that about the research and the education piece, and is there something that comes to the top of your mind about, man, I wish people knew this about sexual health? Well, um, I, I just wish people knew that it's normal. It's normal to have questions. It's normal to question yourself. It's normal to, uh, I, I feel like what is a common, um, What's a common statement that I hear is, is this is really weird. And I can assure you it's not. Weird is so subjective. Like, Leah is really weird. I can tell you that for sure. Um, so... You know, what you consider normal for yourself is is often very weird to someone else. So that's a very subjective term. Um, but we are all uniquely weird. Or we're all uniquely different. And that's what makes the world such a beautiful place. Can you imagine how boring it would be if we cooked the same meal every single day? And, or we wore the same jeans every day or we had to have our hair the same way every day or tick. I mean, just... It's, it's very fun to be unique. It's very fun to expand your horizons and it's very fun to open the idea of sexuality and pleasure in ways that you never thought was possible. Otherwise, you could be eating the exact same meal three times a day for the rest of your life. One of the first questions I ask patients when they come is, is this causing distress? And whatever their, um, whatever their concern is or their chief complaint or whatever, if it isn't causing distress, then we kind of get to the, to the root of it of what can I do for you? Because in order someone to make a change, it needs to cause distress. Um, but sometimes we just need permission to talk about it and, and share our thoughts. This is where conversations organically come from because instantly I'm like, How, how do I start giving the gift of what it might look like to look at different options, right? You said what's one to one is one to different, right? And there's so many times that I know I've googled it. I've clicked the articles that say, what's the average amount of time that people have sex per week? And it's like, am I doing good enough, right? And so I click it and I'm like, okay, am I meeting the minimum? Am I meeting the minimum? And then ask yourself, why do I, why do I care if I'm meeting the minimum? For the essence of time, I can straight up tell you that I know at the end of the day, after as a parent, you have Done all of the work things. You've attended all of the meetings. You got the kids to where they needed to go. You made sure to have the meal on the table. Bedtime sometimes can be a little crazy. And at the end of the day, ah, my tank is empty, right? That sexual desire is not empty. One, am I normal, right? Two, um. I, how, how can I see that this is not forever? Because this is a season of life. But is it going to be like this forever? You know, like, I know that people are asking themselves that. What would you say? Yeah, so I mean, again, if you're asking if, if the fatigue after a long day of work and sports and, and, and all of the things is normal, I would say absolutely. I mean, at some point we have to rest and relax. And so when, when When I'm talking to patients, I do get an idea of how much is already on their plate so that they can, you know, make sure that they're spending enough time. But the bottom line is What you spend most of your time with is where you'll put attention or what's most important to you. You'll, you'll spend your time on. You'll make time for it. And yeah, that is one thing that we had discussed prior to this is that sexual wellness is important. For both women's mental and physical health. So how can that, if I'm thinking, okay, at the end of the day, yes, that's helped strengthen my relationship. But previously, maybe that hasn't been enough for me. What can I tell myself that, oh, this will also benefit me this way. Yeah, so it's, I kind of, um, I kind of attribute it to checking in with yourself. So sometimes I, and I'll just use myself as an example, sometimes I'm, I'm kind of like, you know, I, I get all the things done, you know, that Moms, women, working people get done, you know, try to go to the gym and you try to eat well and get your sleep and downtime and read and all of those things. Um, but no, you have to ask yourself, what is the most important thing to me? Well, clothing, you know, shelter and all of those things, but ultimately it's health and happiness. And so. You mom has to take care of mom before she can take care of anyone else. Um, so Leah has to take care of Leah before she can help any of those five kids. Before she can help my husband, before she can help patients, before she can do anything. So checking in with yourself is of the utmost importance. Becoming best friends with yourself is utmost importance. Giving yourself permission to ask the questions. Giving yourself permission to say, hey, I do need some help with this. Or hey, I've kind of done research on my own. And I'm not able to really figure out answers on my own and giving yourself permission that you are completely worth it. If it's bothering you enough to change, reach out for help. I mean, if my car started making a weird sound and not driving, I'm totally going to go take my car somewhere where they can fix it. Um, you know, and, and you don't have to wait until something is wrong with your car. You know, I, I get my oil changed. Before my engine blows up. Um, so I'm being proactive with it. Just like I go to the chiropractor once a month, you know, just like I do. All of the kind of maintenance things. I get my colonoscopies, you know, to check for all of the things and the mammograms for all of the things. I don't wait necessarily until it's Broken and oftentimes we, we do wait until it's broken and then we're in crisis mode and, um, you know. You know, it's far advanced of what it could be, but the easiest way to treat anything in life is to prevent it. Hmm. So many good things in that in giving yourself permission to be your best friend and speaking from personal experience, right? If this intimacy is not discussed, there can be Struggles that happen in your relationship and then you're at a marriage counselor for two years Then versus having spent the time to prevent what it could look like and so then the question comes to mind is You have some really great examples as to what it looks like if time is a constraint, probably specifically more so with younger kids. Different, though, when they're getting older. You have tips and tricks. One could be even that you... Lockout time each week to spend one-on-one with your partner. Can you elaborate with that? Yeah, and, and, and in that conversation, it is very, is very hard to raise tiny humans and stay connected. Um, you know, I am at an advantage now because I'm. My, I don't have little tinies anymore, but it is very hard when you're sleep deprived and you're kind of new in the professional world and, and, and, um, finances and getting a promotion or however that looks or whatever. Car repairs, that's a lot of extra stress and it's hard to shut that stress off to go into kind of an intimate mode. But intimacy, because it can be whatever you want it to be, intimacy can, can even be holding hands, you know, just holding hands with A partner or, or spending time alone or just making sure that you have time for what makes you happy. Not necessarily what makes your partner happy, but what makes you happy first. And so tips that I give for, um, Parents or, um, caregivers or however that situation looks is schedule it. Um, you know, I schedule time every morning when I'm getting ready for work to brush my teeth. Um. And I schedule time every evening before bed to floss and brush my teeth because it's important to me. No matter how busy I get, No matter if I had a death in the family no matter if I had to tell a patient some really bad news I still schedule that time in the morning to brush my teeth and I still schedule that time in the evening to brush and floss my teeth so It's important to me. I'm always going to have teeth. I'm always going to have a threat of cavities. Um, it's important to me to brush my teeth. So it, it, it's, it's, It's determined, it's helping you to give permission to make something a priority to you. Um, you know, just like any, anything else, if it's important, you'll find a way to do it. So, um, Just giving parents permission to do that. Um, and I like the word selfish, but it's giving parents permission to put themselves first. Um, children are beautiful. We teach them so much. They're the future of the world. I mean, there are so many studies about the benefits of spending time with children, um, and how, how much fun it can be, but it's. There's a back side to that too. And it's stressful. And so, um, scheduling date nights, um, you know, slipping a little, um, I love you text message throughout the day if you love your partner, if you don't. Don't do it. Um, slip in a note in their vehicle, you know, before they go to work. Um, you know, Slipping a little note in the underwear drawer. I mean, I'm just giving some examples, but I mean, writing a little love note on a piece of fruit. And having it, you know, in their car when they go to work in the morning. It's, that's sex, you know, um, it's, it's whatever you want it to be. Give it a wink, which I'm horrible at winking with, with one eye. But, um, finding out what it is and then just experimenting with it. Um, there's Pinterest has some really cute, really Kind of fun little things that sometimes I tell patients or clients like they'll explore that. Um, sometimes just shutting the radio off when you're on a road trip and asking would you rather questions. It's getting that intimacy. But again, knowing who you are first because you're the only one that really truly knows what pleasure feels like to you. So sometimes it's getting back to the basics of that. And if we're strictly talking about sexual pleasure in, in the fact of like, um, Pleasure as an erogenous pleasure. Making sure you know what that feels like for you. Sorry, I kind of got off on a little tangent. But as far as making time for it. Not only scheduling time for it, um, and especially, like, when you can have, make sure that you have privacy, that, that knocks aren't gonna necessarily be a frequent or somebody can pick a lock. Making sure you prepare your bedroom for, or wherever you're at for your, um, intimacy. You know, it's not... I don't, I don't know a lot of laundry baskets that give me that good, warm, fuzzy vibe. Um, or stacks of my, my Colleen Hooper books or. You know, it's, it's not, not sexy. It's not, um, appealing. So understanding what you think, you know, what Leah thinks is, is intimate and kind of gets all of those thoughts going, um, you know, and Preparing, just preparing your mind and your body and your space for whatever act you're going to do. So I attribute that a lot to cooking, you know, like I wouldn't go into the back room. And start making a roast because I haven't prepared my surroundings for it. And it's a lot of things we take for granted when we're single. Or when we, you know, before we have little tiny humans in the house, um, how we do prepare things for certain things. You know, I wouldn't go out and say, I'm going to go, I'm going to go do a 5k and I have high heels on. Sometimes it's, it's not a bedroom. Sometimes it's out in the woods or sometimes it's a changing room of a department store. So however that looks for you, but understanding what is it for you that kind of checks those boxes off. And then once you understand what it is for you, giving permission to share that with your partner or with yourself. If you know that you're attracted to something, give yourself permission to follow into that. You heard Leah, give yourself permission at this very point to go ahead and lean into, okay, I know what I like. One thing that I remember Jeremy and I doing a while ago was to take the love language test. To see what I liked, love, minor words of affirmation and acts of service. And so for, I had to then take him my test and say, okay. And it was almost easier for me to have a document that said, this is what I like, please don't be mad at me, which is crazy thinking back, like, why would he be mad at me? Well, because it's hard for me to ask for what I want at that point in time. And so words of affirmation for us today look like dry erase expo marker messages on the mirror or on the freezer downstairs where I'm working out. And not to place any jokes or shame on men in any regard, but of course his love language was physical touch. I knew that. And what does that look like? Well, for me, when the kids were little, We implemented a sexy Sunday, and so no matter what, sexy Sunday, plus it was fun to say, would happen. Now, after doing this for years, it was good for me in the stage when the kids were under the age of three or four to mentally prepare, right? Like you said, prepare my surroundings, which was my mental health. However, because yes, we were having the act of sex, but the intimacy was lacking. And I felt there's a difference there. And I felt that because then I found myself showing up Because I had to, not because I wanted to. And I didn't look at it as a way to also benefit my sexual wellness. And To be honest, once we started to not plan it, which if you know me, I'm a planner, that was hard to remove literally completely. Sexy Sunday could be placed on a Tuesday and you could call it something else, right? Once you gave yourself the permission for it to not be structured and that you get to choose. I say all of that like it helped in our season of life. I needed to schedule it because if I didn't schedule it, it wasn't going to happen where now there's a little dynamic of when you reference like find what's fun for you. There's a little dynamic of fun of knowing that the kids are on the other side of the house. We're gonna lock the door, but yeah, they know how to pick the lock. There's a little fun, like, Who's watching dynamic? And who would have thought? There's no way that I ever would have thought that that would have been like thrilling, but there's that dynamic of like, oh, what if, what if we get caught? That's not to say that That might work for somebody else or somebody else might be like, oh, that's fun. That, that might be fun. But giving yourself permission is... So important. And, and getting comfortable, um, at, with partners, not only figuring out what you, what makes you excited, but being comfortable talking to it, talking about it to your partner, um, You know, it, it, it, that looks different depending on your stage in life too and, and where you're at. So if you are, um, you know, if you're not in a relationship and your sexual partner is somebody say you just met, Then that's where it's really important to give yourself permission to know what you want because sex is a solo act that you decide to share with someone else. So however that looks. And to realize too that not every time is going to be amazing. Not every day is a good day. Why would we expect every time? Sometimes we almost put too much weight around it. Oh my gosh, we're spiraling. We are not in a good relationship because the sex wasn't good that day. But this doesn't mean really anything, right? Yeah, and I have clients, too, that I, um, we talk about that, too. You know, just... How long has the, how long has the concern been going on? What else is going on? Prior to this concern, what had it been like? So just to kind of determine, is this an acute Uh, concern or is it like a chronic concern? Has this been going on since, since childhood? Has this been going on since marriage? Has it been going on since the birth of a child? Has it been going on since? A diagnosis of this. So kind of understanding where the, um, where the concern if they can kind of trace it back. Sometimes it starts all the way from what we were taught and what we've been exposed to. And so, yeah, it's, it's just like kind of peeling the layers of an onion back and getting to the core because sometimes they're, A person's chief complaint or main topic that they want to discuss is actually not even really related Um, is not, is not the bigger picture. And so you kind of trace back, um, just through interviewing and, you know, like. Our, um, skills that we've developed in interviewing process and in getting to kind of the root cause. Um, and sometimes people don't want to get to the root cause. And then we just focus on the surface. So it's, it's whatever the person wants out of it is what they will get out of it. I can go as deep as anybody wants to go. Um, Because I'm, I'm in the business of diagnosis um, and so I will, I will give them the service that they're asking for. Can you start that conversation with your partner to maybe even if this is the first time or it's been a while since we've had a conversation about what Looks right for both of us. And so if Jeremy and I were to go to have a conversation, although we have talked, let's talk, let's act like we've never talked about this before. And do you suggest really breaking down the I'm kind of nervous to talk about this, but I'm wondering if this is meeting both of our needs. I mean, how do you start that conversation? Yeah, let me first reference a really, really good tool. It's a book and it's an audio book as well about how to have difficult conversations with anyone on any topic. It's called Crucial Conversations. It's a phenomenal book. You basically, the, the gist of successful communication or, um, Yeah, successful communication is to lead with a fact and how that fact made you feel. So if you, if I say Denise, if I'm, if I'm your partner, Denise? Mm-hmm. I've noticed recently that when, um, you know, when you come up behind me to initiate, you know, um, Intercourse that you do this and it kind of makes me feel like pressure to do such and such and so if you can start with a fact and And then lead up with how that fact made you feel. If that makes sense. Because, um, that way it provides examples. But more so than anything is just to make sure that. That you feel safe doing that with yourself first and then with your partner next. There's, there's something really cool and it might be a little bit off topic, but there's six principles of sexual health. Um, I don't know if you're familiar with Doug, um, Doug, Ron Harvey, but he, um, he's a marriage and family therapist and he's got the six principles of sexual health and it's, it's, they're, They're kind of like the constitution of sex, if that was such a thing. But the first one is consent. Consent is number one, and it is the most universal thing. Agreed principle of of sexual health across the world and it starts with consent to yourself. What you're willing to share and discover about yourself first so that if you choose to share it with another person, you can't. But consent and permission. How do you start finding those things for you, right? I think about like, are there questions? Do you need to give yourself space to critically think? I think oftentimes we're serving so many other people. How do you even start that conversation with yourself? It just depends on the person, you know, and what their concern is. And then we talk about, you know, kind of all aspects of that, but We do have to get to the basics sometimes, you know, sometimes people don't know what they look like underneath their clothes. Um, and so You know, kind of getting down to the basics and getting a mirror and, you know, it's, it's going to be, um, really difficult. It would be really difficult for me to cook your favorite chicken noodle soup. If I, if I've never eaten chicken noodle soup or I've never had your mom's specific chicken noodle soup. So, um, you know, like. It's so unique to the person and understanding what it is that you like first and sharing that with your partner. So that they can have an understanding and sometimes that means showing your partner what you mean, showing your partner what feels the best, telling your partner, I love it when you come up behind me and rub my shoulders. I love standing in a room full of fifty people. And getting a wink from you. You know, I love getting pulled into a dressing room or that's like the second time I've referenced a dressing room. Dressing room. Might have something coming out of me today. I might, um, it's You know, and it's, it's, it's sharing, it's understanding that about yourself. You can't really blame somebody for not Knowing what you want and what feels good to you. And I don't even necessarily mean touch wise, emotional wise, connection wise, unless you know for yourself that does feel good. That does feel good to my heart. That does feel good to my soul. It feels good. Feels good because I could feel myself smiling when my partner does that and so kind of recognizing those cues with yourself and then giving permission to share it with your partner so that they know otherwise they're just kind of. Doing what society thinks or what movies have shown or magazines or locker room talk or whatever. So, yeah, I mean, we live in such a really cool sexual relationship. Right now where we're becoming more comfortable with talking about it. We see it more on billboards and we see more, um, you know, more diversity and less shaming. And it's really, really, Really beautiful. And sometimes you don't even know you have a like for something until you're exposed to it. And you're like, I love that. You know, I love that. I love that smell. You know, that smell makes me happy. Um, or that smell makes me smile and, or I, I see that and I associate that with such and such, or I hear that and I associate with such and such. For instance, Who doesn't think about Magic Mike when they hear Genuine Pony? But, um, again, that's just the Leah thing, you know? So... There are certain signs, but everything that we take in that we determine whether we like it or not, it's through one of our senses. Touch, taste, feel, um, what we see, what we hear, what we smell. Um, and again, that's because our largest sex organ is right here. Um, and so making sure that this is taken care of and it's, and fitting in what you can fit in at that time in your life. She's referencing her brain and what power that holds. There is a whole conversation after this, Leah, as to what it looks like to have this conversation with our children. They are such cool little tiny beings. Um, just the joyfulness in them, the simplicity. And sometimes I think, man, I, I, I need to get back to that. Like. I need to strive to be like a child again. Um, especially, you know, when you let things trickle in that are like kind of negative or whatever and then you look at one of your grandkids and you're like, They have not a care in the world other than are they getting this dino chicken nugget, you know? And so I'm like, yeah, yeah. So, yes, and I, I am not a child and, uh, child and adolescent expert by any means. I don't, I don't even go there at all because I am not licensed with children at all. My conversations are from seventeen age seventeen and to 117. But so I leave that to parents. But if it can at least initiate conversations of calling body parts what they are, Um, because when we, when we don't, um, that can start the cycle of shame, um, and making, um, People feel like parts of their body are shameful and they shouldn't talk about it and they shouldn't, um, be afraid to ask their parents or their physician or a safe person if something is wrong with those body parts. Um, and Or if something, somebody has done something to them, um, they should be able to feel comfortable about saying all of those words and exactly what they are so that they can get help if they need to. I totally have been the person that has told our kids that breasts are boo-boos. And I don't remember where that came from. I think I was breastfeeding Sydney at the time. No, Hudson. And Sydney asked, She might have even labeled it and I didn't correct her. That's what happened. And then we called Hudson's penis a pee-pee because it rhymed with boo-boo. And now I'm thinking, you're so right. Oh, I'm gonna change it as I stay. I can guarantee you that. However, I find myself And my sister and mom will be the first person to tell you, I love to play this game. And Leah, who's to say this is inappropriate? I don't know. But there's a game that I love to play because I want Sydney to be so comfortable in her body because I remember when I wasn't. Right. And so there's a game that I like to play and I put my clothes in the washer and I walk from the washers on one side of the house and our shower and bedrooms on the other. And so I'll walk and we have big day windows facing a very main road. And I'm like, Play that game. It's my house. If you want to look in, I have nothing to hide, right? And my husband at a certain point is just like, Denise, when are you going to stop this? And I look at Sydney and I said, when are we going to stop this? And she goes, no. Never. And she runs across. And it's like, I want her to look down and not see, you know, A stomach roll and think that's not okay. I want her to look down and say mom had one of those when she ran across the kitchen because she enjoyed a brownie that day, you know, and you think about like she's not gonna know some of the stuff that I was hiding when I was young and If you know my mom, she's not going to be the person to run from one side of the house to the other, but I am. You're listening and you're like, oh my gosh, I can't believe, come at me, right? But at the other side of things, she's going to be able to look in the mirror and see her body and know it's okay to look at it. Like you had said at the very beginning, sometimes with Actual health and wellness when people work with you. You got to go down to the basics. Well, that is not happening for an eight-year-old Sydney in my household, right or wrong. It's giving yourself permission to have fun in that moment, I guess, is another great point. Um, but what, what a good thing to do for our kids as we leave here is to call the body parts and private parts what they are to reduce that cycle of shame. I love it. Leah, your time has been so absolutely valuable and so insightful and you gave us a gift by saying a lot of what you did and and listeners if you're thinking this is exactly what I need this is my next step and if you are in. A place that you can ask for help. Leah, how could they contact you so that you could help them in this season of life? Well, thank you for asking. And again, thank you for having me here. This has been great. I love talking to people, um, no matter what the topic is. Um, so I just, I love talking to people. I love meeting people. I love Hearing their stories and how can I improve by hearing other people's stories. But, um, I, my website is, um, I, you can just Google it. Uh, Hemming Sexual Wellness Clinic. Um, and it'll take you to, it first asks you if you're eighteen years or older. Um, so then you have to click yes or no. And if you are, then you can make an appointment. It's, um, It's 100% telemedicine. Um, I, I thought long and hard about opening it up, um, As a actual location, which would really limit my ability to kind of help the population and so. Telemedicine works best for me. It's kind of the medicine of the future, in my opinion. I feel safe in my own home. Um, or where I'm located, um, during the visits and the clients can feel safe wherever they're located. If it's from their office or their home or. From their RV, um, the clients just need to be located in Illinois or Missouri and soon Iowa. Um, and it's from the comfort and safety of their own spaces and you book your own appointments. You see the availability on the calendar and you book your appointment. Um, I take HIPAA to the nth degree, um, to the nth degree, um, which is another reason why I chose the telemedicine platform because, you know, not a lot of people want to see their car at, um, you know, a sexual wellness clinic or at Anything related to that word, um, even though there's absolutely no shame whatsoever in talking about any of it, um, but, and, um, And it's, it just gives people the comfort and safety of knowing that they are safe here. Their information is safe. Um, nothing on a billing statement says anything about anything. It says Squarespace. Um, um, It's, I've tried to make this as if I'm the patient and I don't, you know, don't want anybody to know about anything that I'm doing. I've been in healthcare for so long. I take HIPAA to the nth degree. So, Safety, safety, safety, and then we have a shared discussion about concerns and then I provide them with evidence-based options and then they can take that to their physician or to Start practicing that. We work a lot with mindfulness and all of the things. Nutrition, medications, all of the things. Because as you said at the very beginning of this episode, health Is so incorporating of many aspects and sexuality is a part of that but sexual health and wellness is so much and I just love the way that you say that. Now, as we leave and part today, what a gift you are to all of us. And we are going to link, like I said, those books and tools in our show notes. But also, how cool is it? At this point, too, if you're starting or wanting to start the conversation with your partner, you could prep them, right? You could send them this episode and say, hey, I'd really like to talk about this tonight. I can imagine right now as I'm sending this to Jeremy and just being like, hey, heads up. We're going to talk about stuff tonight here. If you want to listen to this, you'll know what I'm referencing. So feel free to do that and also say like, I'm learning here too, right? Utilizing that fact and And feel concept is going to be so crucial, if you will. Out of those conversation pieces. So Leah, thank you for your expertise, your time, your love, and your joy for all of us and our listeners. When you watch her and see the video, whether you're on our social pages or on YouTube, you can see the joy that is radiating. And honestly, as I leave here and I'm thinking, man, if a healthy sex life is what you've got and this is the glow that you have, hide me up. So, well, yeah, thank you so much. Enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you. Talk soon. Thank you. Have a great day. That is the Working Moms Redefined episode featuring Leah Hemming, who is a nurse practitioner who also has a certification in sexual health, and she is here to Help ease our sexual health concerns while empowering all of you to do so much. Thank you for listening to the Working Moms Redefined podcast. It is not lost on me that you chose to spend time together. Thank you. Let's connect outside of the space on socials. We'd love for you to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest. We've got it all to connect with you. If you feel as if someone in your life could be impacted by this message, feel free to share it. That is the biggest compliment. As we part ways together, remember, you can do hard things.
