Untitled - April 18, 2025
00:00:00 Unknown: Hi, I'm Denise, host of the Working Moms Redefined podcast. Let's join together as we lessen the hold of mom guilt in our lives, thrive in our careers, and raise great kids. You are doing enough. Let us boost your confidence today on this episode of the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. It's you and me today on the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. Hi, it's Denise. Thank you for spending time with me today. What a pleasure it is to get to live life alongside of you and empower you to realize that you are doing a fabulous job. As a working parent, you are showing up in so many ways, whether that is at home or at work or in your relationships. And if you need a reminder today that you are doing enough, You're in the right place. Accountability is a topic that I love to discuss because there's this intimacy behind Accountability. Accountability of yourself. Having someone else hold you accountability because you have such a close relationship. There is that intimacy there. And I love it. A few years ago, I was exposed to the real power of accountability through joining a mastermind. A friend of mine introduced me to it. He said, Denise, I think you would be a fabulous... Person to have in this mastermind I'm creating. Will you join us? And so years ago I did, which is when I was exposed to the Maxwell leadership concept, the masterminds, Business coaching, one-on-one, group coaching, facilitations, DISC, all of these things. And if you're like, whoa, Denise, what are you talking about? In addition to this podcast, We have an advertising business called Teddy Co Media. And then I have a coaching business, Denise Talkett Leadership. This podcast came from Business coaching one-on-one, specifically with women. The concept of we oftentimes don't feel good enough at home or work. And so what can we do to make it better? So this podcast has been born. From intimate conversations behind a closed door with fabulous individuals much like yourself. When I think about accountability and It's hard to hold yourself accountable. When people ask, Denise, how do you hold yourself accountable? I don't do it all the time. I wanna make it very clear that I am no expert in this and yet I have ideas to help maybe you feel as if you're doing a better job than you might think that you are or are not. Accountability to me is doing the right thing when no one is looking. That's being accountable to yourself. As leaders, we've talked about what happens when we realize that we can go out and lead lots of people. Leadership is influence and influence is leadership. And yet, If we are not leading ourselves first and the most often in the correct way, are we really showing up to our true potential? I would say no. You lead yourself more than you lead anyone else, which means we have to have discipline when it comes to holding ourselves accountable. And it's hard. It's hard for people that have been doing it for fifty years, for those of us who have been doing it for twenty others, five. And how do you teach accountability? That's a great question. I, I think a lot of us have had learned experiences, but now knowing what I know about the power of accountability, whether that's in a group setting or a. One on one coaching session. I want to integrate it faster to our children. I want to be able to show them that before you can hold anyone else accountable for their decisions, you have to do it for yourself first. And not too long ago, as we were putting Sydney to bed, we heard this crashing. Jeremy and I are out in the kitchen, and then there is this loud sound of things falling in Sydney's room. It was obvious what was going on. And so as I entered into the room, Jeremy was hot on my heels. I said, Sydney, what are you doing? And she is laying in bed at this point. Sneaking something. And we all know what that looks like, right? Like big eyes, tense shoulders, stuffing it down so that hopeful that mom and dad don't see it. And she said... This, first of all, the fact that she didn't lie, well done. And so she peeled back the covers and under her bed, what, or under her sheets were a little cat lamp and a A purple clock of hers. Why you ask? I don't know. I don't even remember what she was going to do with them or why she wanted it. But when she went to go get those two items, she knocked things off on her way back. She got caught, if you will. What are you doing day to day that you're sneaking around that you're hoping you don't get caught for? Well, as we discussed. This situation in Sydney's bed. We're working through some things, helping me understand why, whatever. It's also like eight o'clock at this point and I'm thinking, she's not logically going to be able to think about this, so we're going to nip it here. And so I asked her, I said, Sydney, What can I do to help this not happen again for you? And she looked at me as any eight-year-old would and said, can you take it out of my room? Now, me, three months ago, three years ago, ten years ago would have absolutely done that. I would have been like, yes, that is the smart thing to do. I will take it out of your room and then you won't be tempted. And then at the same time, you won't be tempted. Now, in this moment, I fully believe that this idea was not my own. It was a gift given to me by God. And the Holy Spirit said, Denise, leave it in her room. To the point where I didn't even question it. I instantly, when she said, I think that you should take it out of my room, I replied back with, Oh, I don't think I need to. And she looked at me a little confused. And I said, I know that you have the power to make the right decision. I trust and believe in you that you're going to know To do the right thing. So rather than take these two items out of your room, I am going to place them right next to your bed. And I am going to trust and believe in you to know that you will leave them there until the next morning when you can play with them. I remember Jeremy's look at, like, side-eyeing me like, what are you doing? He was very respectful, though, and did not question. And so she looked at me and was like, you could tell there was a little bit of disbelief in her eyes. And I'm like, you can do this. I know that you have self-control. I know that you can do hard. Thanks. So as I said to that next to her, I will be honest, I put a little hair tie on top of the little cat ear and I hung it knowing that if it got moved, I would know where that moved. Now, call that accountability or call that distrust. You decide. But the next morning, that little curly-headed cutie bopped right out of her room. And she said, Mom... I didn't play with it. The excitement and the empowerment and confidence that that built in her was seen in her smile and in that glimmer in her eyes. Do you think I went and checked that hair tie? Absolutely. And yet, what a powerful moment to see an eight-year-old Build accountability. She held herself accountable for doing the right thing when no one was looking. I really did regret at that point in time not having those cameras in the room anymore when they were infants, but I knew she could do it. We, as parents, I know I did, and still do from time to time, because let's be honest, I wasn't doing that, nor would I go do that type of execution with the six-year-old little boy in this house. But what are we doing that is stifling? Others from holding themselves accountable because of maybe fear of the unknown, fear of failure, control problems, whatever that looks like for you. What are you doing? While realizing that accountability for yourself is really centered a lot around discipline. And how do you build discipline in yourself? Consistency. I feel, feel as if goes into that. Building that. Reward system in your head, not external validation by any means or like. I don't know, buying yourself things, but like rewarding in knowing that you did the right thing or knowing that you did a good job for you and only you. That's what sometimes I remember in school or even when I was younger at the radio station thinking back to how a lot of people wanted a ton of feedback positive to make sure that they were doing the right thing. That they were on the right track. That they were doing enough. And there's a dynamic there of, well, if I'm accountable to me and I'm disciplined in knowing that I do the right thing, that is good enough. Let's apply that to working out. I track myself so that I can prove to myself at the end of the year that when I said I wanted to work out five times each week, that I can reward myself with a party inside my head in the accountability factor. While then also realizing that I love to be held accountable by others. Do I hold myself accountable? Absolutely. But I love what stems from Group settings. With these women masterminds that I lead, it is a group of women That come around a table and discuss leadership. They discuss work scenarios, life scenarios, all of these things to get feedback. And you come to the table with... A knowing that you are going to grow. A knowing that you are going to hear from different perspectives that you may or may not like. That because of the love and relationships that are formed from the very beginning that you are vulnerable to show what you are not good at. So that they can hold you accountable. At the end of each mastermind in a group setting, at the end of each one-on-one coaching client, I love asking the question, what can I hold you accountable for? Because if you know that someone is going to ask you in two weeks, hey, where are you at on this? Hey, checking in. Wanted to see how you were doing in this action item. There's power there. There's discipline. You're giving someone else the confidence to know that you trust them enough to check you. Who's going to check you? Who is going to keep you in line in moments when you can't? One of the most recent times in which I realized that it's good to have your ego knock down a peck or two, By yourself was a local event here in town where there were a thousand people over two hours. A thousand people. Now, the intent of this event was to promote health and wellness for women. Lots of free samples, lots of opportunities to chat about, hey, how do I feel better? How do I look better? All of those things. And so maybe mental empowerment and health wasn't at the top of the list for some of these, like it is for you and I, and that's okay. I tell you all of that to say there were seminar options and because the long line of a thousand people It was blocking the entrance to a lot of seminars. I was blessed and humbled enough to get to do one of these and lead a workshop and it was Trying a new speech. I have several speeches that I have as default and this one was a little different. It was really hyper focusing on the concept of you can do hard things. So this was going to be a test audience. Did it incorporate other stories and other teachings? Absolutely. But the way in which this flowed, it was new to me. And so as I entered that room, there were twelve people. There were twelve people in this room when there were a thousand over two or three hour time frame in the gym. And I found myself getting a little cocky, guys. And as an Enneagram three achiever, this is a line that I walk. And usually I do it very well. Not that day. In that moment, I was an unhealthy three and I found myself looking around the room and I thought to myself, this is it? You guys, I'm so embarrassed to even admit that. How full of myself am I? Because a year ago when I first really started putting it out there that hey, I can pour into people whether it's at your conferences or your events in a way that is different and unique. A year ago, I would have killed for an audience of twelve I did. I loved it. I remember when I walked into a room and there were twelve people there and I said, there are twelve people here. And a year later, I walked in that room and I said, There are twelve people here. Same words, two totally different meanings. And it was at that moment where I had to check myself out. Because that's not how I truly feel. First thought was that. But it's not my heart. That's not my heart. That's old Denise. That's selfish, old, look at me, Denise. Which is apparent that there's still elements from time to time there. But I'm going to hold myself accountable in knowing that that's not who I am anymore. And the moment those thoughts entered my mind, I said, Janice, stop, stop talking. Because remember that inner voice that I don't like, her name is Janice. My friend Kristen Rogers created that. I said, Janice, who is in this room is meant to be in this room. Who needs to hear this message is meant to be here. So as I humbled myself, And went up to the front of that room and tested a new speech. It was awesome. I was able, because there was twelve people and because I'm now used to doing that, more so, I was able to really focus on what landed with the audience with this new speech. It was beautiful. Some of the things that I actually thought were not going to be as monumental made women cry. Some of the other things that I thought were super funny were not actually that funny. And that's okay. At the end of that, And there are women drying their eyes. It's such a great moment to reflect and say... What were you thinking? Right? Why did you think that because you now speak in front of hundreds of people that you are above speaking to 12? I'm not. And it was in that moment where I needed to hold myself accountable to realize it's not about you, Denise. We've talked about that, but I lost sight of that in a moment. I share that to say, I do it too. You are not alone. This growth process. And personal development track that you are on is not always an uphill line. It is not always straight pointed to the right. It's stair-stepped. It's I'm gonna grow, I'm gonna learn, and I'm gonna apply. And then I'm gonna go I'm going to go stagnant or I'm going to go level or I'm honestly going to dip down a little bit like I did in that moment. But I was very quick to pull myself out of it and put that trajectory right back towards a new growth point. You can too. You can too. Who's gonna check you? And the moments when you can't, like I did for me then, I can't always do that. You put accountability partners in place. For me, it's my own business coach. For my clients, it's me. On more of a personal side, it's my sister. She holds me accountable in a way that is not easy. Now, is she a little delayed sometimes in which she does so? Absolutely, because she does not, she's much easier Like Jeremy in the sense of, like, they have to think about how they want to say it, when they want to say it, wait two or three days, and then they'll say it. Whereas me, I can very quickly and correctly respond in a heated moment. And she called me out recently in the sense of, Denise, I'm feeling XYZ. We're not as close. I feel as if you're not sharing the little mundane things about your life. You're very, your schedule is very full. I miss you. And I think there was a dynamic there of she thought I was doing that with someone else, right? Except, no, I had filled my schedule too full. And I don't know why I couldn't make myself stop or I don't know why I couldn't say no to some of these speaking engagements or You know, business is so, it's such a blessing when your schedule is full and it's, you don't want to stop serving people. And yet, when you say no to serving someone else, maybe you're actually saying yes to serving you in a way that you need to. And so that's what I realized is that my sister is the one, not the one, but like one of my absolute favorite people in the world and And she fills me. She serves me. And when I removed that, I realized I was being grumpy. I realized I was being sassy and short because I didn't have that place to Of accountability, of love, of kindness, of, hey, when I can't check me, you're gonna check me. And she did. Now, are those conversations hard? Yes, but I would rather have them than not have them at all. Because there's a lot of stories that could be created and we both had done that. But if we didn't take the time to talk about it, ah, where would we be? Now, I will share, she's always been like this, as am I for her, but I feel as if the moments that she does it for me stand out more because she just doesn't speak up in this way very often. And there was a time when I was dating a guy in college. Guys, he was not good. But in the moment, right, as a young adult, as a woman who was raised in the Disney princess area, and love is X, Y, Z, and if I'm gonna get swept off my feet, I'm going to, oh my goodness, fall in love. This guy was bad news. He mentally abused me and I didn't even realize that I was a yes girl. It was, it was bad. And if my partner was not going to be best friends with my sister, it was not going to be good for me. So that was not the case. And I'll never forget. It was my mom, my sister, and my dad. And we were in my room and I was crying after I got another phone call with him. And she came in and she said, Denise, at what point are you going to break up with him? And apparently my mom and dad have been had been talking about this and they never said anything because my dad is fully under the belief that, hey, she's got to figure out her for herself. And he at that point was like, she's not. So I'm going to take it in my own hands. My dad was so mad at her for doing that. I'll never forget the glare that she got. And if you get a glare from Ellen Donnelly, you better watch out. She didn't care. We had a probably two or three hour discussion in my room. I was sitting on my bed. They were sitting on the floor about how this was not healthy and what has this done and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But if she hadn't checked me, oh my goodness, I think about how different my life would have been. Who's going to check you? I think back to this past year and I've shared this story before on our email list. If you've not yet signed up for that, workingmomsredefined.com is a great place for us to stay connected outside of this podcast so that you can hear stories about honestly knowing that you're not alone. This past year there was a block party in our community and the high school pep band was getting together to play for it. I had not picked up my tenor sax in fifteen years. fifteen years! And yet, I expected to be able to pick it up and play like no time had passed. It was not good. I was squeaky. The rhythm was off. My notes were weird. The things that I thought I remember knowing and having the lead on were no longer. And I was very frustrated. And Jeremy, he was like, Denise, what did you expect? To be able to pick this up and play it? And I said, yes, absolutely. Again. My expectations of myself are sometimes very high, too high. And so then we go to the band room for one of these practices and my hands were sweaty. I had already prefaced it by saying, guys, this is not going to be good. I am sorry. If you need to find another tenor sacks, kick me out. I get it. And when I sat next to my beautiful friend Nikki who Helped me remember the love of music, who helped me realize that, hey, when you have the tenor sax, you're not always playing the melody. Here's the melody. I'll play this. That's when you play. She was helping me keep beat. She was next to me as my accountability partner. And I apparently... Just completely forgot that when there are flats in the key that like you need to play the flats. And so I was playing loud and proud because why wouldn't we? And there I was playing a B. I was playing a B. And at the end of the song, she looks at me and she goes. Hey, that note sounds off. Check your flats. And I looked at that and I was like, what, where, what are you talking about? Well, over in the key, right? You got to find the flat. And I was like, oh. She goes, yeah, I think you need to play a B flat. Who's checking your B-flats? Who's checking you in moments of, mm, are you on that right path? Are you doing the good things when no one is looking? Are you doing the things that you said you were going to do? Who's checking your B flat? And in that moment, she did not realize the power that she had. But I played that B flat. And she gave me a gift in knowing who your people are. Who are going to be the people that hold you accountable no matter what because it is out of love and such good intent and a desire to grow with you and alongside you? Those are your people. The people that you turn to, and don't get me wrong, I have those people as well, that you go to to complain or to validate your thoughts or to make you feel good about a decision you made. Yes, we all have people like that, and they serve a purpose, but are they keeping you stuck? And by no means am I telling you to cut them out of your life. You need some fluff. You need some attaboys from people. But if that's the only people you're surrounding yourself with, I wonder what your potential might look like. I wonder. I don't know what it looks like for you moving forward. I don't know how to tell you to hold yourself accountable because I believe that that's the power of coaching. If you can find The answer as to how to hold yourself accountable. Whether that's setting yourself up to prove success. Whether that's Contacting a business coach, whether that is joining a group mastermind or doing something that you said that you were going to do and you still have not yet done it. What can I hold you accountable for? You can do hard things. You do them already. Believe in yourself to realize that You don't hide the cat lamp or the clock underneath the sheets when something hard comes at you or when someone comes to question you. You reveal those things and you find the people that say, hey, I know you were hiding that cat lamp and that clock from me. How can I make it so next time you feel as if you don't have to hide? It's powerful. And you give someone a gift when you tell them, hey, I want you to hold me accountable for these things. Because that shows, like I said at the very beginning, such a high level of trust. If you have any interest to ask questions about what it looks like to be connected with a business coach, for me, Maxwell Leadership is where I'm certified. So I have a large list of people I could send you to. Virtual masterminds may be something that I bring back at this point in time. There would be a waiting list. And I have that. But I have to decide, is my capacity met? And that's why I think it's really cool to consider who is holding you accountable. With that, Thank you. Thank you for holding me accountable because for this podcast, it has been such a joy to provide content and interviews and guest hosts with people who I'm also learning from, but who I know will. Pour into you in such beautiful ways. If you are not showing up day in and day out to listen to these, I wonder if I would have had Such a desire to continue showing up. So thank you for being my accountability partner in ways you don't even understand. And if you want to be able to connect beyond, join us. Join us on socials, on our website, in places that are different and new to you. I can't wait to live life alongside together as we continue on this growth journey together. And of course, remember, you can do hard things.
