Untitled - April 4, 2025
00:00:00 Unknown: Hi, I'm Denise, a mom, a wife, a business owner, a friend, a sister. A recovering perfectionist and host of the Working Moms Redefined podcast. Thank you for being here. Let's join together in community as we break free from the mom guilts that so many of us feel. And thrive in our fulfilling careers and raising good kids. I will never get tired of spending time with you. Hey, it's Denise. Appreciate you being here. Cannot wait. To make you feel really great about yourself. Because you can do hard things. This is a phrase that Really came to the forefront of Working Moms Redefined as I reflected back on the past year to what really resonated with individuals and the phrase, you can do hard things, came to the top. A simple yet beautiful reminder that we encounter hard things every day. Telling yourself that you can do hard things has power. A couple episodes ago, we discussed the power behind our words and how when we change the way in which we speak, we change the way that we see the world. I will never get tired of talking about The true profound impact that positive self-talk has on you. We know the power in which it has on our children. Yet, let's take some time to really focus on you. When we think about self-talk as a It is that internal dialogue that runs through our minds, whether that's about ourselves, about our achievements, the challenges, how we see ourselves, how we see others. It's that internal dialogue. There is a fabulous book called The Untethered Soul that I was part of a mastermind that discussed this and the concept is that we have this middle Ground, if you will, in our brains that helps us decide what we are going to let permeate through that wall and And that we accept as truth or that we consider. And what will we let bounce back? It's a great book. Like I said, The Untethered Soul. It'll explain it much better than I just did. But What are you accepting as truth? Because when we accept self-talk negative as that is truth, it will impact our daily lives in a not so great way. We will view work as something that we have to do rather than something that we get to do. Relationships might not flourish quite as much. Our health might not even be ideal or our personal goals won't be achieved. Yet, when we speak positively, the exact opposite effect occurs. We do have a better outlook on work, on our relationships, on our health and wellness and exercise and all of these great things truly by telling ourselves a different story. This example is clutch for me. And I know so many of you ladies can relate to the fact of everybody wants to feel and look our best. Myself included. If there was a magic fix it all. That would make life a lot easier. Yet, you could do hard things. Let's go to research. There was a study done that showed housekeepers. eighty of them, to be exact, were in one room. They split them down the middle. forty on one side, forty on the left. Now, before they were said anything to, their BMI was taken, their blood pressure, their weight, their... Other statistics, if you will, that showed certain ideas or items about them. Once all eighty were taken through this physical process, Half of them, forty on one side, were told, okay, now great, go do your job as a housekeeper for this hotel. And so these forty women went off and did their job. They kept the other forty And to this group of forty they said, okay, ladies, you love your job. Housekeeping is a fabulous job. And it's great exercise. What do you think happened? Now, they were required every day to say housekeeping is a great job and it is a great form of exercise. Every day they said those things to themselves and And they did their job. That is the only difference between two groups of forty housekeepers. Four weeks later, all eighty of them came back in a room. You know where I'm going with this. The forty people that had told themselves that housekeeping is a great job and it's a wonderful form of exercise had a lower BMI. They had a lower weight. Their blood pressure was healthier. The list went on to describe The power of telling yourself a phrase. They did not adjust the amount of effort. They didn't change their diet purely based on their words. Housekeeping is hard work. Imagine if you told yourself, I can do hard things daily. I believe you will achieve more than you even know possible at this point in time. While also proving to yourself that you've already done hard things. You can do them and you've done them before. Taking time to reflect is not always a priority. It wasn't for me. I still struggle with it. I think honestly the main reason I do it is so that I can prove to you that you do it too. I don't want to be someone who's cocky. I don't want to be someone who is full of herself. Humility is a posture and I consider that. While also realizing now that reflection allows me to achieve more, to do better, to show up better for all of you next time. And so when I go with that mindset, I encourage you to do the same. Once you learn from yourself. You're gonna do even better next time. Think back to the hard things that you have done. The hard decisions, whether for you or your children or your partner. You've done hard things and you can do more. If you are doubting yourself right now, Think back to times that you've proven that, hey, I've doubted myself before and I've done hard things then. I love to think back to 2021, It was after COVID. I was in radio sales. Not a lot of people were listening to the radio. And I had great relationships with my clients to the point where they said, hey, Denise, we are being required by co-op. To spend our money in a certain way. We want to work with you, yet you don't have an offering that allows us to be able to do so. And it was at that point in time where I could have been like, oh, bummer. Sorry. Great working with you. See you later. Yet, I chose to invest into that relationship even more by saying, wait, wait, wait. Give me, like, a couple weeks. And if I could learn how to do online advertising that you are needing, Could we still get to work together? All of them said yes. Yeah, go try it. Go see what happens. I had probably, yeah, I don't know, sixty clients, forty clients at the time, forty clients probably. I learned how to do Facebook and Instagram ads. I learned how to do Google ads. I created content. And then I took that and realized, oh, there's a business here. There is a business that could be done here. Leaving a traditional job where a paycheck is coming in, yes, I was on commission, yet there was stability at a business. Leaving all of that to create my own, oh my goodness. Not only was that hard, that was freaking scary. Yet, when you believe in yourself, when you believe that you can do hard things, you do hard things. And so in 2021, April, to be exact. I chose to leave a place I had worked at since I was eighteen Since 2008. Crazy. To create an online advertising business, Teddy Comedia was born. I was able to serve clients in a way that I wasn't able to prior and it was exactly what they needed at that time. Now, for me personally, I missed the art of speaking. I missed being able to construct a thought in a very finite amount of time to best fit a listener. I love, I loved public speaking. And I missed it. And I attended a leadership conference in October. It was local. And I learned that you could make a career out of speaking, coaching, facilitating organizations and workshops through really hard things. And I got interested. Because you are always learning. I learned that Maxwell Leadership has a program that trains people under John Maxwell himself. Sign me up. And so I did. And in March of twenty-two I then traveled to Florida to get Maxwell Leadership certified. Two years later after that, I later spoke on that stage, the exact stage that I one day Wanted to speak on, I got to. And it was because I did hard things. Now, I left out a story in there of while I was getting certified in Florida for three or four days. There was a drunk man who tried to break into my hotel room. Oh, my goodness. I was thirty-two years old at the time, and I was all by myself, traveling by myself, and this gentleman, as I found out at 3.30 in the morning, Was obviously intoxicated. Yet, I didn't know that as I leap out of bed and rush to the door and look through the little peephole and think... What is this guy doing? And as I watch him try to take off his clothes outside of my hotel room while still jiggling the handle, I call Jeremy. Call the husband. Brings all the way to voicemail. My hands are shaking. I understand that there is a door between the two of us, yet I don't trust it. Who do you think you call after your husband doesn't answer twice, even though he says you're on his safe list? You call your mom. At thirty-two years old, you call your mom. She's your safe spot. She's your home. And you know she's going to answer. Because when you still leave town, she puts her phone by her bedside. So that she can answer it when something comes up. First ring, what's wrong? Denise, what's wrong? There's a drunk man trying to break into my hotel room and I don't know what to do. And at this point, she's getting my father involved. Alan! If you're on our YouTube channel, you're watching me smack my dad awake even though he's not here. Denise's hotel room is getting broken into. Okay, again, what one person says is different than what the person hears. That's not the point of this. Eventually, my dad was like, tell her to call security. Of course. Even killed Farmer Donnelly. And so I called security. Security came, whisked him away as this half-naked man tried to break into my hotel room while getting Maxwell Leadership certified. It makes for a great story. However... Two and a half years later, I still cannot sleep in a hotel room by myself. It is, it is embarrassing. Yet, that's why. Trauma sticks with you, man. Nonetheless, you can do hard things. Staying in a hotel room apparently by myself is not one of those. But progress, not perfection. Am I right? As working moms, you encounter a lot of struggles, right? Day in and day out, you encounter a lot of joys too. And do not think for a moment that you're not your own underdog. Everybody loves an underdog in a story. I know I do. They want to be cheering you on. Why don't you cheer yourself on? Let's try to cheer ourselves on. Whether that's saying I can do hard things or I am enough, identify what that looks like for you. Something that I can't wait to discuss more so is the concept of getting pregnant with children. So many of us wanted to be moms, want to be moms. And don't necessarily talk about the struggles that go into that as much as I think or would like to. I remember when we first started trying to get pregnant, which was ten years ago at this time. We knew what we wanted. If you did the math right quick, we've been married for ten years, too. And at that point in time, infertility or miscarriages or loss were not discussed a whole heck of a lot. I think that you're part of the process and the reason as to why that is changing. Good on you. We are talking about these things more openly. You are seeing photos of needles surrounding a birth announcement with a little onesie. Because it took 862 days of love and prayers and medicine to make this baby possible. See, you can do hard things. For Jeremy and I personally, we got pregnant in November of 2015, We got married in March. Again, I told you, I know what I want. And we were pregnant in November of 2015, And on the way home from a Thanksgiving up by his family in Iowa, I had this inclination like, oh, I could be pregnant. What? Let's stop at Target and get a... Thing to pee on because why not? Target is where all good things happen. So we go into the Target in Des Moines, Iowa and buy pregnancy tests. And I go into the bathroom. It was the grossest Target bathroom I've ever seen in my entire life. I have not been to one yet that has been that dirty. But if that just doesn't fit, I don't know what else would. So as I pee on this stick in the bathroom, I wait for the results by myself. I always think of that Friends episode where Rachel pees on the stick and then they're trying to wait and then Phoebe lies and says, no, you're not pregnant. That is what I did in this moment because no one wants to find out that you are pregnant in the middle of Target. Again, we did not think this through. So as I'm in that dirty bathroom stall and the digital read, because I'm not playing people, said pregnant, I'll never forget that feeling of, ah, holy cow. So I go and wash my hands because if you know, you know. And I walk outside and I'm walking towards Jeremy in the middle of this Target and he looks at me with those big excited eyes and I just shake my head. I didn't want to lie. He could infer what he wanted by that handshake, but I was not telling him that we were pregnant in the middle of this dirty target. And so I said, why don't you just go to the car? I'll check out and I'll be out. And of course he listened because he didn't know what to deal. He didn't know how these emotions were going to hit me. And I went to the Starbucks because why not make it fun? And I wrote on the side of that cup, future daddy. Took that cup outside. And I have the best photo of Jeremy holding this cup that says future daddy on the side. He was so excited. Why wouldn't I be the person that starts planning the nursery on the way home? And Jeremy drove and I was like, do we want petals? Do we want flower petals? Or do we want unicorns? Right? Like, I totally went there. Because in my mind, we were having a girl. Yes, our first child is a girl, but our first child is not this child. December 14th of that year, 2016. we miscarried. My mom had two miscarriages. I was aware of what it meant. Yet no one prepares you for that. That emotion, that hope that you all had bundled up in your heart The secret that you are keeping, yet you're secretly hoping that that's not just gas that you are feeling and seeing in your tummy. All of that goes away really fast if you go to the bathroom and you see red. It changes. For me, I had a morning show and I was at the radio station when I went to the bathroom during break and I saw red. Bummer. Do you think I went home? No, because I have the work ethic of my father and I went back on. For the morning show. I put my feelings aside and I acted like nothing was happening. I was absolutely hysterically crying between each break. And yet, I pushed on. As I reflect and look back, holy cow. It was, it would have been okay if I had not had a morning show the rest of the day, but I did not want anyone to know that I was struggling. And yet so many of us connect in the struggle. In that vulnerability. Now, I am not saying that I would have announced that on air by any means, but it would have been okay if I had left. If I had taken care of me in that moment instead of taking care of others. So on December 14th of... 2015, we had our first miscarriage. I cried so much. Jeremy was upset. It was a huge loss for us. It took us quite a while to recover. And yet, I... We'll never forget the hardship that we went through. Yes, those moments were difficult, right? Those showers were long where you let the water run over you and You just stand there and have no concept of what's the next right thing to do. You want to be held. You're scared to try again. So many emotions, right? And at that point in time, I knew that if Jeremy and I could work through this, we could work through anything. And so I got this little tattoo. It is the teeniest tiny little heart on my wedding ring finger. And the reason I chose that finger is because that vein connects to your heart. And so I will forever have that little baby connected to me and a reminder that if Jeremy and I could get through that, we could get through anything. Jokes on that later to come. But Jeremy and I worked through that first miscarriage. In April, we then found out that we were pregnant with Sydney, who is Sydney that you know and love, the curly-headed cutie that was born a preemie. I was induced early. She was supposed to be born in January. Well, she got delivered in December. I was induced on a Monday. Did not have her till a Thursday. You heard me right. Monday to Thursday. It's a good thing she's cute. That was hard. And yet we can do hard things. On that Wednesday, day three of labor, my doctor leaned over on the side of bed, of the bed, and she said, You've been doing this a long time. If you want to have a C-section, I will take you. We'll go right now. I told her no. Some of you might assume that it was because I didn't want a scar. Little do you know I have a huge appendix scar because I got that taken out when I was in fifth grade. The scar was not the thing. The external scar was not the reason because my heart hated this day. The day that My doctor lean over and offered me a c-section was December 14th. That day, a year prior, was the day I miscarried. It was the day we miscarried. I hated that date. I've hated that day for an entire year. And now I was going to have to try and get this day to be great because that was now going to be the birthday of our child. Absolutely not. So I said, no. I said, I'm going to keep trying. And honestly, they thought I was crazy because I was exhausted. And I told them why. I said, I don't want to have a baby today. And they were like, you want to do this for another hour? Yes, I do. And so Sydney held on tight and we delivered her on December 15th. So not only can you do hard things in regards to labor, you can have a negative day Not feel so hard in the future. Sydney, December 15th. Miscarriage, December 14th. What I love to consider is there is light in all of the darkness. The light, you might not see it right now. I didn't see it on December fourteen 2015, but I saw it on December fifteen 2016. Isn't it beautiful? When you think back to why our stories are... Uniquely made by God. He gave us this hardship of a miscarriage to really even love and appreciate Sidney even more. There's, there's a joke. But we got pregnant again very quickly after that. I don't even remember dates. I really, it was hard. We got pregnant and they would have... Then they would have been very close, but we miscarried a second time. So I was about eight weeks, ten weeks at each miscarriage. And so after Sydney, we got pregnant again very quickly and miscarried a second time. You don't ever wish for these types of things. You don't. You don't ever. Was I sad? Absolutely. Too close in age? That would have been really hard. So many of you do it. Props to you. And we wouldn't have Hudson then. So when I talk about infertility and miscarriages and loss, that is very hard. You are amazing. And you can do hard things. Think back. Prove it to yourself. How you have. When you do, you realize how amazing you truly are. And although that that can be a heavy-weighted topic of Discussion? Let's talk about it more. Let's make it so that people don't feel alone in those moments because if it wasn't from Jeremy, my sister and my mom, I would have been very alone because I didn't talk about it. Let's talk about it. You are worth talking about. Because you can do hard things. One last story because this one is one of my absolute favorites. You all know that I love speaking. I have spoke on stages behind microphones for years since, since I was seventeen and high school graduation. It's a joy of mine. Yet, I've messed up multiple times in front of others behind a microphone on a stage. One time I fell off a pulpit at my friend's wedding Because I was smiling too much after reading. One of my favorites, though, was at a... Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. That Tuesday prior, I had a chemical peel. I'd never gotten a chemical peel before. I was going for the thought process of, I am going to get rid of this acne. I am going to feel wonderful about myself. Let's do this. I didn't research chemical peels before this. I should have. And I probably should have asked more questions, but I knew that I was going to have prettier skin. Sign me up. So as I lay down in the chair and I'm meeting this esthetician for the first time, She discusses, we're chatting. I'm like, yeah, let's go. Let's put this chemical and burn the skin off, right? And she started talking about weekend plans. And I told her, oh, well, actually, for this fabulous medical facility, I am emceeing this event on Friday. At this point, she is mid-swipe across my face with chemical. It smells like peroxide, honestly. And she stops. And she goes, Denise, you're emceeing this event in front of people on a stage? Three days from now? I'm like, yeah, why? She goes, do you not realize what your face is gonna look like? And I said, well, uh, can't say I really thought about that, but I'm sure it won't be that bad. Well, if you ever remember your first chemical peel or if you are wondering what it's going to look like, it's not going to look good. When they say your skin literally sheds off your face, you know, they're not lying. So... She finishes. She offers to, you know, dilute the solution a little bit. I'm like, no, I'm paying full price for this. I'm not getting half of a service. So let's go. She goes, you are probably going to be Peeling at a high rate on the day of the event. And I was like, it'll be fine. Thinking that I am above all other statistics and research, again, where's our selfish mindsets at? Day, Wednesday is not that bad. Thursday is really not that bad. And I'm thinking, what is she talking about? Maybe I am the exception to the rule. Well, Friday rolls around and I go about my day. I come home, get ready for this event. I shower. That was probably one of the dumbest mistakes because as I get out of the shower, the moisture has now enveloped my skin and weighted it down and my skin is like a snake shedding. It is disgusting to the point where I look in the mirror and I'm thinking, not only can I not even wear makeup, I can't hide this at all. At all. And so what do we do? Well, we put mascara on and some lip gloss. Jeremy walks into the bathroom and stops. He's like, whoa. And I said, I know. I know. I can't do anything about it. He goes, I guess we're going. Like, what else are we going to do? So I put my jeans on, my jacket, and my red shoes, and I head on out. And I go to this event. When you walk into a place and you feel like all eyes are on you, That's what I felt like. And they were. Yet no one would ask what's wrong with my face. And I felt as if I would prefer just to have like a sign above my head that said, I got a chemical peel. This is not my face. But I didn't. And people would judge. And I found myself putting my head down. My chin was dropping. Good thing I had those red heels on. As I looked down, I remembered that I can do hard things. That red exudes confidence. And to pop my head back up. So in this event... I popped my head back up. It was dropping more than I would have preferred. And I thought, well, at least if I get to the stage, I'll be far enough away from people. They won't see me. I'll get to the stage and it'll be fine. Right before I went on stage, one of my clients and friends looked at me and he goes, oh, did you just get back from vacation? You're peeling. And I thought, oh, man, that would have been a great story to go with. Why did I not think of that? Nonetheless, we went up on stage. The lights go down. I'm an idiot. Because of course the spotlight comes on the hosts. And then you see not only my peeling skin, but the flakes that are now on my black jacket. I'm telling you. I have a photo. Check out our socials if you want to see it. Zoom in right close because my skin's appealing. And I think about what if I had let that define me? What if I had let that be a trauma in me as bad as the hotel drunken break-in? I might not be doing this work today. Yet I chose to do hard things. I chose to laugh about it. I chose to put the event and its mission ahead of my face. I keep that thought in mind often. Because who am I? I'm a person who is humble and who is serving people and we need to be disciplined. We need to be disciplined to do the right thing and to prove to ourselves that we can do hard things and that belief, that positive self-talk in ourselves to know that you can and that you are. When I work with coaching clients and they have body image, they call them issues. I call them opportunities. I encourage them to try to look in the mirror every day for a month and find something that they like about themselves now. Because some people are kind of hard on themselves, we are looking sometimes at eyelashes or I like my elbow or I really appreciate the fact that my teeth are white. It can be very small and minute things and that maybe it's not that I think I'm beautiful or I really love the way my hair looks because sometimes those statements are way too far off for you to even believe that they are true words. So start with something small. I like my earlobes. What do you like about yourself? When you can prove to yourself in the mirror that you are worth showing up for and that you can identify physical features of yours that are absolutely amazing, You're doing hard things. Now, the real challenge that my coaching clients don't always love is those last two weeks, I would love for you to do it naked in front of the mirror. You want to talk about putting yourself out there even though it's only you in that room? It's hard. And you can do hard things. You might, no, I won't go down that road, but you might really even get even more connected with your partner. Think about what it might look like for you. So look in the mirror and find things that you like about yourself. Well, being accountable to it. When you have positive self-talk, we realize that that lives out in our actions. That lives out in our kids. We talked about the power a couple weeks ago about positive self-talk for our children. And we need to do it for ourselves. How many times have we talked about the fact that I told myself, I'm not a good enough mom. That's why and how this business was created. And then I finished the statement and said, I'm not the mom that my mom was. That's why I didn't feel like I was good enough. And it's okay. It's okay. It's not great. It's not fabulous. It's okay. Okay is okay. Okay is enough. While also realizing that in order to hold ourselves accountable, to be disciplined, to show up the way that we want to show up for ourselves and our families, we need accountability partners. Hello? I have a coach and I am a coach to other people. There is power in that accountability and we are very excited to be able to offer that to you. There is a virtual workshop if you are at all interested. That I've created that's called the nine minutes a day for a lifetime of connection with your kids. It's a workshop that we've put together. The link is in our bio and it tells us how when we strategically place nine minutes throughout our day. With our children through asking questions, we are connected for a lifetime. It's your accountability to know that you're doing a good enough job and to help your kids realize the power of questions. So be sure and check that out. It's super great. As we close today, I want to remind you that you, you, beautiful, confident, scared, fearful, Anxiety-ridden, perfectionist you. You're amazing. You are, you are in charge of your own success. And the power of what you tell yourself, that positive self-talk, it shapes your reality. Yes, you are going to need to give yourself some grace and some patience because you're not going to get it all right all at once. I still don't. Yet when you're kind to yourself, when you're nicer to you, your life changes. You approach life differently. So tell yourself, you can do hard things. You've already done hard things, and you will do more hard things. What a pleasure. What a pleasure it is to get to live life alongside you, to pour into you, to help you realize that, man. You are enough. You are enough. Be sure to check us out on socials. We have Facebook. We have Instagram. We have TikTok. We have email. I would love to create a relationship with you and remind you day in and day out. That you are enough. We have weekly emails that you can sign up for at workingmomsredefined.com and this This episode is one that is close to my heart. It would be my absolute pleasure if you'd like to share this with someone who could hear the words, you can do hard things while getting some laughs throughout it all. I am not a put your head town kind of lady.
